352 Holly Worton ~ How to Handle Life in Uncertain Times

Holly: Hello and welcome to the Into the Woods podcast, episode 352; this is your host Holly Worton and I am back with another solo episode. Today I am talking about uncertainty and how to deal with times of uncertainty. As I record this we are in week four of lockdown here in the UK and things are starting to look like we don’t know how long this is going to continue. I originally thought that after the first three weeks we would be told maybe a next three weeks, but they still haven’t updated it, so I really don’t know how long this is going to continue and things are starting to get cancelled and shifted around and changed again for this year. So, I am aware as I record this, that my life hasn’t been really effected all that much by the lockdown and this is the perspective that I am coming from. I normally work from home and my business hasn’t been affected at all by the virus, work is pretty much as usual. I am used to working from home, things are kind of pretty much the way they usually are, except for that I am limited to how much I can go out in the day. But I know a lot of people have been affected by this, I am aware that a lot of people are in a much more delicate situation and are suffering even more from this uncertainty, so I wanted to acknowledge that going into this, I know I am coming from a very privileged position because I haven’t been affected that much.

So this episode is for anyone at any range of affectedness who is experiencing uncertainty in these very strange times that we are now going through as a result of this lockdown and this virus. I went into this year with a very clear plan for this year, a very ambitious plan, and I was worried that I might not be able to hold up to that plan because I had a lot of books that I wanted to publish this year, a lot of projects that I wanted to get working on, a lot of courses that I had signed up to take and now that is all getting thrown into uncertainty. Obviously this hasn’t affected my projects in the sense that I still have the same amount of time to get things done, but I am not necessarily feeling as creative and I certainly can’t go to a hotel to do my work-cations. So, things are a bit difficult in terms of producing my projects but things have started changing, my two woodcraft school courses that I was taking, my ethnobotany course and my wildlife course were postponed to May, but at this point, honestly, I don’t know if we are going to be able to start in May. My second year of my Shamanic plant-spirit-healing-apprenticeship has been cancelled, that was just four weekends that were going to take place this year but we have decided to cancel it because it doesn’t make sense to start this half way through the year, so that is probably going to get postponed for next year, but who knows?

So I am starting to feel the uncertainty, although I know that at lot of people have felt this uncertainty earlier than I have and a lot of people are feeling uncertainty with their businesses and with their jobs, so a lot of people are probably feeling a bigger sense of uncertainty than I am. And wherever you are on the spectrum of uncertainty acknowledge that this is stressful, wherever you are, just because you may be experiencing fewer problems than other people, that doesn’t mean that you are not experiencing stress. I think we are all going through a very stressful time no matter how we have been effected.

So how to deal with this? I think the most important thing is to accept the things that you can’t control instead of rebelling against, we can’t control the lockdown, we can’t control things that have been cancelled, this is it. So, if we have been laid off from our job or furloughed we can’t control that; if our business has been effected for whatever reason we can’t really control that, there are things we can do to change things, the way we do things, but this virus, this lockdown, has affected a lot of us in ways that we can’t control. So I think we need to start by accepting that. Yes it sucks and in more ways for some people than for others, but there are things that we can’t control, so we need to start out by accepting that, it is really hard to move forward and it is hard to create a new plan, and it is hard to pivot with our existing plan, until we accept that there is a lot of this that we cannot control no matter how much we would like to, so start with acceptance. And use whatever process you use to work through acceptance. Very interestingly as I was recording this I found myself going into the whole brain posture, which is something that we use in PSYCH-K®, if you don’t know what that is it is not something I can teach to you but if you google it you can find other people teaching it online. It is a seating position that can be really good at reducing stress and anxiety. Very interesting that I went into that, so that is one thing that you can try. So as you think about the situation and as you think about accepting the things that you can’t control, like the lockdown, like any cancellations or changes or disappointments that you might be having try sitting in that position and as you reflect on all of these things that you can’t control. Maybe do some gratitude work, or some Ho’oponopono, whatever it is that you use for acceptance and forgiveness and maybe some meditation, whatever works for you, everyone is going to have a different way of dealing with it. Use the techniques that you are familiar with or try something new as you go through this acceptance because there are a lot of things that are out of control. And this may be an ongoing process, we may need to continue to remind ourselves to accept these things that we can’t control because there is no point in suffering.

Let go of expectations, we need to update our goals and our plans based on this new reality and we may need to keep updating our goals and plans as reality changes. So based on how much longer lockdown is going to continue, no one really knows at this point. I have had some phone call conversations with different friends and groups of people and a lot of people think that things aren’t really going to really be freed up until August. The first time someone said that to me, it was like: oh God, I can’t imagine being like this until August, but who knows? It might be August, it might be July, it might be June, it might be next month, May, I don’t know, none of us knows, so it helps to let go of our expectations.

I was going through my list of goals and plans and projects and seeing what needs to be updated. So some things are obvious, I have had to cross some things off my list. So one of my plans was to walk the Camino Portuguese earlier this year, last month, and write a book about it, that is not going to happen this year and it is not going to happen next year, because next year is a holy year and there is going to be a lot of traffic on the trail. So that won’t be happening until 2022, something that is going to be delayed for two years. I also had plans to walk the Camino Ingles this year, probably in October, and right now I have got a question mark next to that, the way things are going this year who knows if I will be able to do that in October or not, I don’t know. So that has got a question mark. Other walks I was planning to do this year, also have a question mark, I don’t know when this lockdown is going to be lifted, I don’t know if I will be able to do any more walks this year. My kickboxing tournament I was supposed to fight at in April, that didn’t happen, and the next one is in June and that has got a question mark by it, maybe it will go ahead, maybe it won’t, I haven’t heard anything about it so I am just waiting with my question mark. Getting my black belt, I am definitely not going to do that on the summer course for various reasons, the winter course is kind of my next goal but that has got a question mark by it. So there are a lot of things that have question marks because I don’t know if I am going to achieve them this year and some things have been postponed for the year after next.

So go through your goals and your plans and reschedule things; and if you can’t reschedule them put a question mark, but don’t necessary delete them because we don’t know what is going on. Monthly book-cations, I have done my January, February, March book-cations, but April is probably not going to happen because hotels are closed. Publish the second edition of my South Downs Wey book in April, I have not been as productive with my own personal book projects this year, but it is something that is still do-able for this month, so I have actually just commissioned the new book-cover from my book cover designer and I will be working to hopefully finish that by the end of this month. Finish the new editions of mindset books, the first two have been released, I have got to get working on the second two, but I have got until the end of the year to do that, and that’s do-able. If Trees Could Talk, the Spanish edition, I have been sitting on that for the last couple of weeks since I got back from my trip, I hope to get that out either this month or next. Actually, as I am saying this I am just going to put May on it and if it happens before then, good, but I think May is reasonable. I have got a planner that I am going to be publishing by the end of the year, probably by the end of October, that is not really effected. My first five short read books, I haven’t published those yet, I have been sitting on the first one, but I have got all the covers designed and I am really ready to go.

So that is how I have gone through my list of plans and projects and goals and added new dates to some and just put question marks by other ones, because there are some that I just don’t know at this point. But actually going through that list has really helped, I did that before I did this recording and then I kind of adjusted some things as I am talking to you. But even going through that list and looking through it makes me realise that I have still got my plans, I have still got my goals, I have still got my projects, I just needed to adapt and put some things on hold.

Now, if you are the kind of person who really can’t handle the uncertainty of having question marks next to things, then add dates that seem reasonable to you. So, I am going back to my plans, so the Camino Ingles, I would like to do that this year in October, but if it is not this year it is going to be 2022, so if I couldn’t handle that question mark then I could just pop 2022 on it and then I know that I am going to do that in two years.  My kickboxing tournament, I don’t know if that is going to happen in June, I am happy with waiting to see, but if not I would just look for the next dates for that and put the furthest date in my calendar. I think there is one in November maybe, there are four in the year and I think November is the last one and I could pop the last date in my calendar because probably, hopefully, things will be good enough by November to do that. Getting my black belt in the winter course, I don’t know, I could just cancel that out and put “summer course 2021” in there. So if you can’t handle the uncertainty of having question marks next to things just put a future date on it and then reevaluate as you go. As I said we are going to need to keep updating our plans and goals and projects as reality changes, as we see what the new dates are for lifting lockdown and as we see what our new life is going to be like once lockdown is lifted. Because I think at this point we are all pretty much clear that we aren’t going to be going back to normal after this, we are going to have a new normal, but we don’t know what that new normal will looks like, so we are going to have to keep updating our plans as our new reality settles in and as the new phases of our reality settle in, because there is probably going to be kind of phases as we come out of lockdown and come into the new reality.

So, focus on what you can control, focus on working on the goals and the plans and the projects that you can work on during lockdown: so I can work on my South Downs Wey book; I can work on my Trees book in Spanish; I can work on my business books; I can work on any of the books that I have got in my list, my short-reads books, I can work on all that. However, I haven’t necessarily been great at being creative, I haven’t been great at getting the work done, so I have been doing client work, I have been doing the important stuff, and then my personal projects have been kind of put on the back burner and I have been working on them little by little and you know, so I have been doing what I can. So focus on what you can get done, but also maybe give yourself permission to change the dates on those things, if you are not feeling creative now, if you are not good at getting stuff done, because you are having trouble focussing, adjust your plans. Give yourself permission to take more time to get stuff done, and give yourself permission to not do anything if that’s what you can do, do what you can and give yourself permission to be flexible, I think that is really, really, important.

Make new plans. So now is the time for a lot people, especially people who were furloughed from their jobs, this could be a good time to learn new things, make new plans, make new goals, make new projects that are viable and can get done during this time. If you have always wanted to write a new book, or write a book, write it now – or don’t, if you are not in the mindset to be getting new stuff done or learning new things, don’t. It is a great opportunity to do that but if you are not feeling well don’t. If your mental health is what needs working on, work on that. If your self care is what needs working on, work on that. I have done a couple of episodes over the last two weeks on getting help from nature with your self care, and getting help from nature in these times of uncertainty. So if what you need now is to take care of yourself, give yourself permission to do that.

But if you are doing fairly well make new plans to learn new things, or to start new projects, do what you can do. If you are not feeling well enough to learn and do new things and create new projects, don’t beat yourself up for that, just accept the situation for what it is. I know a lot of people are posting a lot of things online about how to take advantage of this time, but not everyone can do that, because not everyone is feeling well enough to do that, that is fine, do what you can. And again, maybe self care is the most important thing for you to do right now, maybe taking Epsom salt baths and reading books is what you need. If that is the case, do that, and that is okay and that is enough. So do what you can, do what you are capable of.

And give yourself permission to have ups and downs, recognise that these are stressful times and that uncertainty can be stressful, be kind to yourself. So I was lucky in that I had my two weeks away in the woods which set me up to be in a really good place, first with the lockdown, I was on fire, I wrote five blog posts, really extensive blog posts, I was getting stuff done, I felt great and since then it has been kind of downhill. So I have my ups and I have had my downs and I suspect that I am going to have my ups again. So just give yourself permission to do what you can, to do what you need based on how you are feeling today, this week, things are changing constantly and you will have ups and downs and that is ok. And recognise that whatever you feel is okay. Feeling good today is okay, feeling bad today, is okay. And it is okay to feel good even when others are not feeling well. So I felt a lot of guilt the first week when I felt really good, and I was just super-hyper-focussed, and I was on fire with my work – a lot of people were having rough times that week and I felt guilty about it. Try not to add to the stress of this situation by making yourself feel guilty for feeling okay. Appreciate the days that you feel okay and the hours that you feel okay. Appreciate whatever you have got and give yourself permission to feel good about feeling good, because there are going to be some days when you are not feeling good, and that is okay, it is all okay. But, again, try not to add to the situation by making yourself feel guilty.

And try to avoid spiralling downwards, I have been avoiding the news, avoiding conspiracy theories, I am only looking at the vital updates. So I will go onto gov.uk every day, or every couple of days, to see if there has been an update, and that is pretty much all I do, I am looking at the official news and if there isn’t any I click away. I am not reading all of the stuff that is online. I have a lot of friends who are really getting into a lot of the conspiracy theories that are online, whether they believe them or not they are finding them interesting to read, to explore, to look at, and I don’t know, if that is helpful to you, do it, but it is probably not helpful to most people. So avoid reading stuff online and only go for the vital updates and avoid the other stuff.

When you are feeling bad, when you realise that you are feeling bad, do something to keep yourself spiralling down and getting worse. So stop what you are doing, go for a walk, get some exercise, read a book, whatever. Make a list of things that make you feel good and use that list when you are feeling bad. So the other day I was not really being productive, not really having an easy time at the computer, not really being able to focus; and so I just stopped what I was doing, took a walk, came back and I was able to get stuff done. So when you realise that you are not feeling well, stop it and do something to turn your mood around, have a list of things that turn your mood around. So for me, going for a walk is good, writing a gratitude list is something that has always helped me to turn my mood around, no matter how bad things are, there are always ten things that I can find to be grateful for. So I just open up my journal and write the list and then I usually feel better, I can’t remember a time I have ever felt bad after writing a gratitude list. So have your list of things that will turn your mood around. Have another list, and maybe it is the same list of overlapping things, of self-care activities, so ramp up your self care during these times. For me, reading a good book helps, taking an Epsom salt bath, going for a walk, have a list of self care activities that make you feel great, that make you feel nourished.

Have a list of foods that make you feel good, a lot of times I think we tend to turn to comfort foods, which may or may not actually make us feel good, yesterday it was an eating day – I do alternate day fasting – yesterday was an eating day, breakfast I had a great breakfast and probably had more carbs than I needed to but that was fine. Lunch, I was craving fried foods, and I got some fish and chips take away and I felt like shit afterwards. It was great in the moment and then afterwards I felt like I had eaten a brick. So, be aware of what you are eating. I know what foods make me feel good and it is really kind of high fat, high protein, like breakfast foods, eggs and bacon make me feel good, with avocados, grilled tomatoes, grilled mushrooms, those kind of foods make me feel really good, they make me feel really nourished and they are very supportive when I am fasting, when I am in the eating phase of my fasting, obviously. So those are the foods that make me feel good, I know that, I need to eat those foods, not carbs, or fried things that are comfort foods, it is good in the moment and then I felt horrible afterwards. So be aware of which foods are nourishing to you and which make you feel good and which foods do not, even if they are foods which you consider to be comfort foods and be aware, before you open your mouth and put something in, how it is going to make you feel.

Finally, get support. Call friends, call people from your social groups. So my apprenticeship had a call on Monday which was great. Some friends from kickboxing had a call on Monday as well. I have had my master-gut this week and we have actually decided to ramp up our master-gut calls to weekly, rather than fortnightly, so get together with your groups of friends and have a get together on zoom, on Skype, on Facebook messenger, wherever, but call your friends and get support, get help. I have found that to be really, really useful and really, really, lovely. I was just thinking the other day how much I missed people from kickboxing. I haven’t really been attending the online classes and I miss seeing people. Then, I hadn’t been on Facebook over the weekend, and then all of a sudden I saw that a Facebook call came in from one of my kickboxing friends and I saw that they had arranged to have a call at this time. So I got into my office, sat down, joined the call and it was so great to speak with them and we have decided that we are going to do this again, once a week, just to catch up. And it was just so good to see them, even though we are not seeing them in our normal kickboxing environment, we were just kind of sitting at home on our computers or phones, it was good to see people. So maybe set up some calls with people you know from exercise groups, or from work, if you are social with work people, or just people from different groups in your life. And reconnect that way, it doesn’t have to be an hour-long call it could be ten or fifteen minutes just to catch up, and be flexible in case it lasts longer. Do what you need to do, it can be really, really, beautiful to connect with these people that you are used to seeing in your offline world.

So those are my suggestions. I really hope that you are doing well during these times of uncertainty and lockdown and I hope that we get an update soon so we know at least what this next phase is going to be like. Honestly I wouldn’t mind if they just said it is going to keep going for another three weeks and then we will reconsider, I don’t mind reevaluating but it would be nice to have a next phase of this, that would be really useful to me, I like plans, so this uncertainty is unusual for me.

Please feel free to drop me a line and let me know how you are doing, I have been asking people on my email list to reply to my weekly newsletter to let me know how they are doing because I enjoy hearing from people. So whether you are doing okay, whether you are not doing okay, or if you are somewhere in between, feel free to email me: [email protected] or find me online and get in touch, I would love to hear from you, I would love to hear how you are doing. You obviously are hearing from me every week on this podcast, so you know how I am doing, feel free to share how you are doing and thank you so much for listening.

Next week’s episode is an episode with Joanna Hennon that we actually recorded before the lockdown, it is about how to be comfortable when life is good. And I actually thought about whether I should change the date on this because it seems incongruous now that we are in this lockdown and we were in a totally place when we recorded it. But I have decided, at least as of now, that I am going to go ahead and release that, because I did, even during this lockdown for the first week, I felt really uncomfortable that my life was pretty good. So I think it is relevant even during these times and who knows where we are going to be a week from now, that is going to go live on the last Monday of the month, the 27th April, who knows where we are going to be then, we might be running free, I doubt it but who knows?

So that’s all for now, I am going to stop rambling! Thank you for listening, and remember to visit: https://hollyworton.com/352 for the show notes on this episode. Thank you.