466 Holly Worton ~ Adventures in Integration

Transcript

466 Holly Worton ~ Adventures in Integration

ITW Episode 466 (Released Jun 27, 2022)

HOLLY WORTON: Hello adventurers and welcome to the Into the Woods Podcast, episode 466. This is your host Holly Worton and I am back with another solo episode. Today I am going to talk about adventures in integration. And I know that is kind of a nebulous sounding topic so I am just going to get straight into it.

( However, first I need to say I apologise again for my stuffy nose, my hay fever has been out of control. It is June as I record this and it is just…so much hayfever! )

So today’s episode is based on a question from a listener and sadly I can’t remember who it was that sent this in to me. Whenever I get questions or topics from listeners and ideas for future episodes I copy and paste them into this Evernote file I have but I for some reason don’t copy and paste who it was that suggested it. So thank you, whoever you were, for this topic.

What I usually do is I copy and paste them into this file and whenever it feels right to cover that topic or whenever when I am kind of going through that thing or have something relevant to say, then I pick that topic and we will talk about it, so yeah, here we are. So, the email said, “I would love to hear your thoughts about the seasons we go through. Especially rest and quiet, when it doesn’t feel like we are actively growing but maybe it is a time for letting everything settle in or preparing for the next big leap. How do you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, switch gears? What strategies do you use to maximise the energy that you do have during those times and how do you manage any angst for not being active.” (In parenthesis they say: that may be way more than one podcast episode)

So I am going to try to fit most of this into this episode and I think it goes really well. The seasons thing, I actually just invited someone yesterday evening to come on the show and talk about different seasons of our adventures and seasons of life. So hopefully they will say yes, and hopefully I can get that person on the show. If not, I will find someone else to talk about it or I guess I will have to talk about it myself, because that is something that I have had on my mind for a while and there actually are a couple of people I know who can speak to that topic.

So seasons, we are not going to cover today. What we are going to cover is what I am calling adventures in integration. So integration is a big thing in therapy, particularly I hear people talking about it a lot in psychedelic therapy, which does require a lot of integration. But other than that, we don’t talk about it much. So you might go for a healing session, and and they will say, “you need some time to integrate, you might want to rest, you might want to have extra glasses of water to help you integrate”. But aside from that we don’t really talk about it, we don’t think about it, I forget about it and I am constantly doing mindset work and healing and all kinds of things. But the reality is that we need time to integrate, not only healing, but also adventures. And we need time to integrate mentally, emotionally, physically and also spiritually, if you are into that kind of thing.

So in the same way that healing sessions can bring up stuff for us to deal with and stuff that we need to kind of integrate into our awareness, into our energy system, so do our adventures. And that is why I like to talk about personal growth and outdoor adventures on this podcast. I think there is so much that we can learn from, and heal from, by having these adventures. And if we bring that into our awareness, I feel like it just adds an extra layer to our adventures that can really help give meaning to our lives. So, as I have said, often we forget about integration, I forget about integration, and I am constantly doing mindset work with myself. So unless a healer, or someone else reminds us about it, we can forget about this very important phase.

So, I am going to go through this post, this kind of question, this email that I got from someone, bit by bit so you can cover all the different areas.

So how do you let things settle? How do let everything settle into this integration mode?

So it starts with realising that you are in integration mode and understanding where you are at. And this is really important, it can be really hard to notice and it often takes me quite a while to figure out that I am here. And usually it comes from feeling like I am stuck, feeling like I am waiting for something to happen, feeling like I am in this messy middle which I have talked about on other podcast episodes and feeling like I am in this chrysalis sludge where the caterpillar is going to turn into a butterfly, except I go through this period many times in my life. I feel like every couple of years I am going through this. So I think like it is important to know how to recognise it and it comes from that kind of awkward, just feeling like something is not right, but also something is not quite wrong and it is like I said, you are waiting for something to happen or you are waiting for something to change, or you feel like something is coming, which is where I am at now. That’s possibly when you need to be in integration mode and thinking about what has led you to this place?

So it can be really helpful to remind yourself of where you have been and what you have been up to. This whole year for me has been like kind of like a crappy, messy middle. Except it is not fair to say that because I have done so many great things this year and they have all kind off led me to this point where I am feeling kind of crappy but not in a bad way. It is that messy middle feeling where I feel like something is coming and I am waiting and I have been waiting and it is not coming, it not coming on the timeline I want, but it will be coming, so that is where I am, which is why we are talking about this.

So what has my year been like? It has been great! In January I went to visit my parents for the first time in ages, since before the pandemic. In January also big changes happened in my business. We are no longer working with a client that we had been working with for the last eight years and that has been a really tough change financially but also emotionally. And there are other long-term clients that a lot of problems with their businesses as a result of Covid and just things changing in their lives, so they are not currently working with us. So it is like we have lost two of our major income streams and our whole business just kind of went bottoms up so we have had to completely just rework how we make money in our business and we have got new income streams that have been great and I have been really enjoying them but also, it has just kind of messed with my head a little bit, because we had so much stability for so long, doing a particular kind of work and now we are kind of doing other stuff and it has just messed with my head!

February, I had this really great healing session. In February I also had the first weekend of my advanced shamanic apprenticeship where we did a soul integration and that was really, really, big and I know that kickstarted a lot of changes as well in my life.

April, I had another really big healing session.

May, I hiked the Coast-to-Coast.

June, I just had the summer gathering for my Druid order and I feel like things were energetically changing there. So it is like a lot of big stuff happened this year that has got me to where I am today, which has made me realise that, (I shouldn’t say should) I am in integration mode, I am in that messy middle and I hadn’t really noticed it until the last week or so.

So how do you switch gears from activity to integration?

I think for me it starts with giving myself permission to let things settle and to not be as active. This is something that I really, really, struggle with. It requires me to be gentle with myself and to just accept where I am at. So that is my starting advice to you, just give yourself permission to slow down and accept you are in this integration mode, this messy middle, whatever you want to call it.

And really pay attention to how you feel: mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually – and journaling can really help to tune into yourself and to just pay attention to how you are feeling and what is going on for you and it can also help you kind of offload if you are feeling crappy and you just want to complain to someone, but maybe not bog someone down with your complaints, complain to your journal – that’s a good thing! It gets it out of your head onto paper and it can often give you a different perspective on the issue and what it is that you are feeling.

And I think it is really important to just be patient with the process and be patient with yourself and that is easier said than done. But I think reminding yourself of these things can be really, really, useful, so I am just going to repeat everything I have just said. Give yourself permission to let things settle, give yourself permission to not be as active, be gentle with yourself, accept where you are at, try not to fight it, try to accept it and just really tune into how you are feeling and be patient with the process and be patient with yourself. I am saying that twice for myself as much as for you! Because I find this really hard!

And a lot of times this integration mode, or this messy mode, is really our systems getting ready for the next big leap. It is like chrysalis mode where the caterpillar goes into its chrysalis and it turns into mush, or whatever it is, and gets ready to fly away as a butterfly. It feels kind of crappy sometimes. I find it really useful journaling, again, I know not everyone enjoys it but I find it really useful to get clarity. Right now I have no clarity, I have this weird, nebulous, feeling that something is coming, something is changing, I don’t know what the hell it is, I don’t even know what I want. I have tried journaling to get clarity on what I want for this next phase, I have no clue! I am just in this really, weird, confusing, space right now. So it really is a messy middle and I know it is because I am integrating a lot of the work that I have done and I am getting ready for the next phase, so I am also kind of excited about it because I have this gut feeling that something exciting is coming, but I don’t know what it is and journaling has not really helped me. But, in the past, in other stages, it really has helped, so I will recommend journaling for clarity, it might work, it might not.

But even if it doesn’t focus on self-care, focus on what you feel like you need. Whether that is taking a nap, or taking a bath, or whether it is saying no to a bunch of stuff, focus on self-care, focus on making sure of your mental, emotional and physical health is good. Do what you can do to make sure that your system is good. And if you feel up to it you can do some more mindset work, do some more healing. I feel like probably I shouldn’t be saying this but that’s what I do. So for example, if you know what you want for the next phase, for your next big leap, but fears are coming up, you can do some mindset work to release those fears and clear the stuff that might be getting in the way. I find that mindset work – again requires integration and it is also really useful to clear the fears, the blocks, the limiting beliefs, the mind crap that can be getting in the way from the next big leap or that next phase of your life coming in. So if you feel up to it, you can do some mindset work, or healing, or whatever else, and be aware that that might require more integration.

Resting, if you are stressed, give yourself permission to rest! Just pay attention to what you need, pay attention to whether you need rest, pay attention to whether you need to go for a gentle walk, pay attention to whether you need to do some mindset work, pay attention to what you need and give yourself permission to do it.

So the next question was how to maximise your energy during this time, and I think that is a really good question because there are a lot of times when I am in this messy middle, when I am in this integration mode, I don’t have much energy. I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t feel like having adventures, even small ones. So maximise your energy during this integration mode, give yourself permission to rest. Give yourself permission to be “lazy” (I am saying that with air quotes), because that is how I often see it, it is not being lazy, it is just resting, but that’s how it shows up in my head. Tune into your energy and see what you want or need, you might need gentle movement, you might need to just chill, do what you need.

And another thing that I find really useful is to pay attention to what you are craving and why.

So I just got back from Glastonbury, from my summer gathering for my Druid Order, but usually when I go to Glastonbury it is on my own and I find it to be a deeply, deeply, relaxing place, it is kind of a place I go for personal integration, personal relaxation, I just find it really relaxing.

So I made a list in my journal a few weeks ago about what I was craving and then I went back and wrote down what those places or activities give me. So Glastonbury was one and it gives me relaxation. I am craving Avebury again and what that gives me is energy. I just crave the energy of Avebury, I don’t know why, I really, really like it, I really enjoy it there and I can’t intellectually explain to you what happens to me when I go there but I just feel like I am soaking up the energy of the place and that’s what I need.

I am also craving solo camping, I haven’t done that in a couple of months and what that gives me is relaxation and alone time. We have had a couple of family visits in the last couple of months and I just really feel like I need some alone time.

I have been craving travel, what does that give me? That gives me new things to see and do and new adventures.

I have also been craving a workcation and I haven’t been on a workcation since last year. I think this is the longest stretch I have gone without going on a workcation and what that gives me is creative expression. I haven’t been working on any of my books since last year, I just haven’t had the energy to and I am starting to crave it, so I feel like I might be getting to the point where I can start writing again. And it just feels really disorientating to not be writing, to not be creating things. I wrote a blog post a couple of weeks ago and that was it, I am really starting to crave this.

So give yourself what you are craving, if you can. Give yourself the activities, the things that are calling to you if you can. Maybe pick one and do it, pick the easiest one and try it. Or make a list in order of priority and work through the list. But pay attention to what you are craving, I think that is really, really, useful and also why. I think that is really important to know what those things give you, because those can be an important part of your integration.

And how do you manage your desire to be more active? I think, for me, it is reminding myself that I am in integration mode, really giving myself permission to be present in this integration mode, I think that is really important. And I think it is also important to stay positive: focussing on what you do want and not what you don’t want, that just shifts your mindset into kind of a more positive place. And if you are starting to feel like you want to be more active, or you are craving it, give yourself permission to be more active, there are no rules here. And that’s why I think it is so important to tune into how you are feeling, tune into what you are craving, tune into what you need, that’s why I think journaling can be so useful but maybe you can just sit for five minutes and just listen to yourself, listen to your system and see what it needs. And just do the things that you need because of course there is no official start date and end date to the messy middle or to this integration mode. It is very fluid, it just kind of comes in and then goes out and you might just find yourself wanting to be more active and having the energy to be more active and that might be a sign that you are coming out of this integration mode. So pay attention to yourself, that’s really, really, really important.

You might also find it useful to remember previous times when you have gone into this integration mode, or you have gone into this messy middle, to think about: what has been useful? how have you felt? What has helped you get through it? If you do keep a journal you might find that you have journaled about this in the past, you might find some wisdom in your previous experiences. Because I used to talk about this a lot when I did mindset work professionally with clients and actually I still do, so if you go on my website you can sign up for a mindset session, but it is not something that is the main focus of my work now but I do love it.

So it is something that I talked about a lot when I was doing mindset work full time, which is this whole personal growth thing, I like to compare it to a spiral staircase, where you are going up this spiral staircase and with one step you are doing the mindset work and with one step you are taking practical action and are getting up to a new level, and you are getting up to a new level. And as you are going up to each level, obviously, there is a period of integration which sometimes feels like that messy middle and sometimes it is really easy, it is smooth, and sometimes it is rough. You may find yourself in this place, place of integration, place of messy middle, over and over and over again in life and that’s okay, this is normal. I think this is a normal part of personal growth, personal development, it is a normal part of healing, it is a normal part of just moving through life and getting up to new levels of living and career and mindset and whatever it is. I really do feel like every time I go up a level I go through something like this. And again it is not always the same, sometimes it is easier and sometimes it is not but it is part of growth.

So that is why I wanted to talk about this today because I think it is an important thing to explore, I think it is an important thing to be aware of. Sometimes it feels crappy, but I find that even when it feels crappy, at the same time it feels good, I have got that sense of anticipation like, something is coming, something new is happening, something is shifting, something is changing. I don’t know what it is and that’s why it feels crappy. I really, really, struggle not being able to see the future! {laughing} I don’t know I really struggle with not knowing what is coming next, but at the same time I am excited to see what is coming. I feel like I have been in a big shift all year, like things have been shifting, things have been changing and that will be coming to fruition. My gut says October/November-ish, so I have still got a few months to go.

Last tip, that is another thing, tune into timings. And I know that there is no way of knowing the future but your gut might be able to tell you when this is going to shift, or how long it is going to last. And that can give you kind of some consolation, it can give you a good reminder that this isn’t always going to be a problem, that you are always going to be stuck in this phase, it is just a phase, and it is the middle integration period, before you have a period of growth. And as a reminder, this growth doesn’t just happen from doing mindset work and healing, it also comes from our personal outdoor adventures. Because we do grow, we do learn, we do change as people from the adventures that we are having.

When I was on my Coast-to-Coast I had these two really vivid dreams that weren’t quite dreams and I feel like having that time and space to just be outdoors, be connected with nature, be hiking, allowed the space for those to come through. And I feel like those were also a big catalyst to the shift that I am going through now. So outdoor adventures help us learn, help us grow and can also lead to requiring this integration period. And I think that’s also why sometimes we have a bit of a downer after we have our adventures and it is like post-event blues and I have talked about that in another podcast but I think that’s because that’s an integration period.

So I am going to wrap this up, I hope you have found this interesting and useful, I hope it gave you a different perspective on phases we can go through after our adventures and I hope you found this useful. So if you have any questions that you want to ask me, or if you have any ideas for topics for episodes, please drop me a line and send them over, you can email me at: [email protected] or find me online and get in touch there. I really, really, love hearing from listeners with ideas for episodes.

I probably won’t do it straight away, it will go into my system and then when I feel like the time is right I will do it, but I really love knowing what you want to hear on this show. So if you enjoyed this episode, you might want to check out these related episodes, which I think really accompany this one really well, there is a few:

• 459 Holly Worton ~ How to Know When You’re Putting Too Much Pressure on Yourself That’s kind of a symptom of being in that messy middle and trying to force yourself to be active, that can also lead to putting too much pressure on yourself.

• 451 Dr Andrea Perez ~ How to Balance Adventure and Recovery
• 428 Holly Worton ~ Moving Your Adventures Into the Slower Months of the Year
• 419 Holly Worton ~ Getting Through the Post-Adventure Blues
• 418 Holly Worton ~ Adventures in Rest
• And, way, way back, Jo Casey and I talk about how to handle the messy middle in business. Now that episode is obviously business-related but there is a lot of stuff that we talk about in that episode that applies to the messy middle in personal life too. 

So, hope you find this useful, check out some of those episodes in the show notes and that’s all for now.