In a recent blog post, My Most Open And Vulnerable Blog Post Ever ~ My Journey To An Aspergers Diagnosis, I discussed my need to get back to the core of myself, and let go of the mask I’ve developed in an attempt to fit in and not stand out. This mask (which sometimes feels like a full costume) is no longer serving me. I’ve been on a journey to get to know the real me for several years, and now that I’m aware of what I’ve been doing to cope with Aspergers, I’m even more eager to unleash the real me…the person who’s been hiding deep down inside.
I recently posted in one of my favorite Facebook groups (British Women with Aspergers – UK Connect Group) about wanting to embark on this journey with a little more structure, and some of the women in the group were interested. My plan is to revisit some of my old Who Am I? posts from 2011 and update and adapt them with Aspie women in mind. I have a whole list of topics and exercises, and I’m going to start with the ones that I think might be easiest.
This series is open to everyone, not just women with Aspergers. I know that for a variety of reasons, many of us have carefully crafted a mask over the years, and now it’s time to let go of the multiple layers that are covering up our true selves. Let’s get to work on peeling back the layers of the onion!
Getting started
Table of Contents
I’m going to set aside a new notebook to gather everything together in. This way, I can keep my answers organized for all of these exercises in a kind of journal where I can explore this journey to the core of myself. You might want to do the same, or you might want to save everything in a folder in your computer. Go with whatever works best for you.
Let’s talk values
One of the easiest places to start is by talking about values. I’ve always found this an easy exercise: there’s not much to do, other than to go through a list and select which values are most important to you. When we’re feeling lost and out of touch with ourselves, reviewing a list can be easier than coming up with answers on a blank piece of paper.
One of the most basic steps to looking at who we are is to examine our values. What are values? They define the things that are really important to us, the ideas and beliefs we hold to be special in our lives. A value is something which is intrinsic to what we feel is fundamentally important in OUR life. It drives our actions and our decisions, our feelings of satisfaction about where we are in life, and our relationship with other people.
Values essentially define who we are as a person. Values are neither good nor bad, they simply are. And they’re different for each and every one of us. That’s what makes each of us unique.
Today’s Activity
- Download the list of values and print it out.
- Check, circle, or highlight all of the values that most resonate with you. Ask yourself: what things are really important to me?
- If you think of something that’s not on the list, add them to the page. (And feel free to let me know so I can add them to the list).
- Review the list of values that you selected, and choose your top 5 values. Which of the values that you selected are most important to you?
- Review the list of five values, and narrow it down to your top 2 values.
- Of those, choose which is your number one value.
My results
I’ve done this exercise countless times before, and my top values change just about every time. The last time I did this was about a year ago, and my top seven values were: integrity, growth, awareness, helping others, nature, freedom, flow, and connection. When I did the exercise now, I tried to do it quickly, without letting my head get in the way. I went with the gut feeling of which values were most important to me, and when I narrowed down the list to five, these were the top values for me: freedom, intuition, personal growth, nature, and flow.
My head instantly jumped in and said: “What?! Helping others should be one of the top five. What about gratitude? Giving back? Environment?” These things are all very important to me, and helping others is an integral part of my business. However, I think my gut led me to prioritize the other top values because if I’m not growing, flowing, paying attention to my intuition, spending time in nature, and living a life of freedom, then it’s so much harder for me to help others. It’s kind of like the oxygen masks in a plane: we’ve got to put ours on first before helping others. I think these values are like my foundation values that need to be in place before I can help others, help the environment, and give back.
Also, did you notice how my head was indicating which values should have been on my top five list? This isn’t about shoulds. It’s about which things are most important to you, in your life. Go with what your heart or your gut says is important. And if it helps you to keep your answers to yourself, and not share them with others, then go with that.
How about you?
What were your results like? Please share in the comments if you feel comfortable doing so, or within the Aspergers Facebook group if you prefer…or you can keep the entire process to yourself. Go with whatever works best for you.
Please let me know if I need to clarify any of the instructions to make this easier to understand or work through.
Thanks!
