Yes, I know…this post is a little out of sequence. As I’m working on the R2B book, I’ve realized that some things need to be changed, adjusted, and moved around. One thing I realized was that the Interests and Passions exercises were just too similar, so I’m going to find a way to combine them.
And I was missing one very important thing! Guess what it was?
Fear.
Are you afraid to read on? Afraid of what we’re about to get into? Afraid of looking at your fears?
I hope not, because there’s nothing to be afraid of. Seriously. Ignoring your fears or pretending they don’t exist will just make them worse. Once you’ve acknowledged them, you can work to get rid of them. Because who wants fears to hold them back?
Obviously, some fears are useful: they keep us safe and protect us from danger. If you’re afraid to walk alone at night in a dangerous neighborhood, then that’s a good fear. It’s an indicator that you’d better apply common sense and get out of there.
But that’s not what we’re going to talk about today: we’re going to look at the kind of fear that isn’t useful to us. The kind of fear that holds us back, and keeps us from achieving our dreams. You may have heard the old acronym that FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.
This week, I heard two new ones, which I absolutely loved: Forget Everything And Run and Face Everything And Rise. It’s two ways of looking at the same thing: you can either run from the things that you’re afraid of or you can face them and grow out of your comfort zone.
For years, I lived trapped in my comfort zone, avoiding my fears. Until, little by little, I broke out of my shell and consciously fought back to grow out of my fears. They were holding me back, keeping me from doing things I wanted to do in life.
I was afraid of water.
I went swimming every morning for exercise, but each time I saw myself reaching the deep end, my heart would start beating like crazy, and I would swim a little faster until I got back to the shallow end. Why? Maybe because I didn’t learn how to swim until I was nine years old, and I had learned to fear water up until that point. Who knows. What did I do about it? I joined a very demanding scuba diving course at my university? Afraid of water? Not anymore.
I was afraid of public speaking.
Terrified. But not just getting up on stage and speaking: I was also afraid whenever I was in a group of people and had to speak up to introduce myself. All eyes were on me. It was terrifying! What did I do about it? I got involved in a lot of business networking where I had to introduce myself and my business to a group on a regular basis. I joined a Toastmasters group, and learned how to do both impromptu and prepared speeches. Afraid of speaking? Not anymore. Last year, I spoke to over 200 people at The Authentic Happiness Summit and loved the experience.
I was afraid of unfamiliar situations.
Meeting new people, having to make new friends, and adjusting to a new life all terrified me. I just wasn’t very social, and I found it challenging to speak up and meet new people. What did I do about it? I moved to Spain on a study abroad program, where I didn’t know anyone, and had less than a week to find a place to live before classes started. I moved to Costa Rica, where I knew no one and had to find a place to live and a job. I worked to get a scholarship to study abroad once again in Mexico, where I had to find a place to live and enroll myself in the local university. Afraid of unfamiliar situations? Not anymore. I later moved to Argentina, and most recently to the UK, where I had never even been before moving there.
Different people have different ways of facing their fears.
The first step to facing them, however, is to recognize that they exist. If you don’t know what they are, and you just live cowering inside your comfort zone, it’s likely that you’ll be stuck there for a long time. Start out by getting to know your fears. Then you can do something about them.
Ready?
- Download my Fears List and print it out.
- Sit down with your notebook or guidebook, and write down at least 10 things that you’re afraid of. Stretch to think of everything you can. If you’re stuck and you still haven’t reached ten, then move onto the next step.
- Having trouble? Review the Fears List that you printed, and check off or highlight all the fears that resonate with you.
- Write down all of your fears on one page (either add your original 10 fears to the Fear List or vice versa, depending on where you have more or less).
- Review your entire list of fears, and select which are your top 10 fears.
- Narrow the list down to your top 3.
- Rank your top three fears in order, from 1 to 3.
- How do these fears affect your life? What does having these fears stop you from doing? How are they holding you back in life?
- Now think about whether or not you actually want to face these fears. Do you want to stretch out of your comfort zone and learn something new? Are you ready to grow? If so, write down all of the things you can do to face these fears and grow out of them.
- Make a plan for getting these things done: actually write them into your calendar and plan them. Set yourself a deadline for each one. Get started!
Did anything in this exercise surprise you? What did you learn about your fears?
