272: Holly Worton ~ Mindset: Why It Isn't About Positive Thinking

Today’s Guest

Table of Contents

I’m back again, with another solo episode! Today, I’m talking about why having the right mindset is not about positive thinking…and what it is instead. I think it’s important to separate positive thinking from actual mindset work if we really want to create big change in our business and life.

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What You’ll Learn

Why mindset is not about positive thinking
What to do instead of trying to think positive all the time
Why trying to stay positive may be hurting you
Why you need to dig deep to find the diamond
How to be careful when digging through the mind crap

Things I Discussed

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Transcript

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Holly: Hello and welcome to the Business Mindset Podcast, episode 272. This is your host Holly Worton and I am back with another solo episode. Today, I am going to talk about why mindset is not about positive thinking, I think this is perhaps a concept, or an idea, that people may have: you have got to think positive, you have got to have a positive mindset. And that’s not what I am talking about when I talk about business mindset or any of the work that I do.

So, I thought it would be useful to do a complete episode on this and why I think this is so important, why having the right mindset is not about positive thinking, what to do instead of trying to think positive all the time, why trying to stay positive may be hurting you, and why you sometimes need to dig deep to find the diamond amongst all the mind crap.

But before we get into today’s episode, I wanted to mention a podcast that I was recently a guest on and that is the Mark Struczewski podcast. This was such a fun conversation, it has been a long time since I have done a podcast episode with someone completely new, completely outside my usual orbits. We talked about the Workcation weekend, we talked about why it is so important to have your partner on board with your business and your business plans and your business goals and your strategies and activities; and we had lots of fun. It was a great conversation, I think you will find it really interesting and useful, even if you have already heard me talk about the Workcation weekend. So if you head over to http://HollyWorton.com/MS that will redirect you to his website and you can listen to the episode there. I really, really like this episode, so I highly recommend that you check it out.

What am I reading?

Next, what am I reading? I haven’t told you this in a while and I think it is because I have been kind of bouncing around between different books, which is something that I hate doing. I am the kind of person who likes to start a book, read a book, finish a book and then move onto the next book. But, I have been kind of struggling. A while ago I bought a book I read a while back called The Dip by Seth Godin, started reading that and put it aside. I was reading fiction for a while, I am kind of still doing that, but not so much. I have got a book called The Natural Navigator, which is about natural methods of navigating outdoors, it is super-fascinating, I love it, I am not really making much progress with it, I don’t know why. I tried to start another book on Druidry the other day, I wasn’t getting into that. I think my brain just needs a rest. So, I don’t know if this ever happens to you at all, but I think I just need a rest. I love reading, I love having some quiet time with a book, but sometimes I feel that my brain just needs a rest and to not do anything, and that can be challenging for me. I try to take that reading break, if I can’t concentrate I will turn to something like a game, words with friends has been my addiction lately, which is like a scrabble app for your phone, it used to be years before that spider solitaire or I will go on Reddit and read stuff. And I always feel really guilty about this, but I remember years ago my coach Lisa Wechtenhiser saying to me: whenever I find myself playing candy crush, or whatever the game was that she was playing, I know that it is because stuff is processing. My brain needs a break, it needs to do some mindless stuff because stuff is processing. Like energy stuff is processing in the background, I am getting downloads, I am getting shifts, stuff is going on, and so I need to distract my brain.

Now this is a concept that I am familiar with, something that my spiritual teacher used to do, and I am sure he still does, all the time with people, he would tell a joke, or he would get people distracted with a story, so that they would relax and be able to receive the energy work that he was kind of sending them. So, it was like, he would distract you with one thing that would keep you kind of laughing, or relaxed, like the game, and then kind of slip the energy work in through the side.

I know this stuff, but yet I still feel a little bit guilty every time I do this stuff. I feel like I should be productive all the time. And, if you listen to last week’s episode with Joanna Hennon, you will know this is a problem for me, I really feel like I have to be productive all the time. So, it is no surprise that I ended up on Mark Struczewski’s productivity podcast, talking about my productivity tip, because productivity is such an important thing to me. However, it is also important for us to give ourselves permission and I am saying this to you as a reminder to myself, it is important that we give ourselves permission to have down time, to have days where we are not super productive; because that’s okay, because it is natural for us to have really good focus some days, not so good focus other days. I have just come back from three days in Avebury and this whole morning and afternoon has been super high focussed. I get lots of stuff done, I have been doing really, really, well and I am super-happy with that. I put together the notes for this episode and I am feeling good. But, that moment that I pick up the game, or the moment that I click to Reddit, it is my natural tendency to feel a little guilty about it, even though I know my brain needs a rest.

Another really weird thing, that I feel I need to tell you before I move into the actual content of this episode, is that for the last few solo episodes that I have done, I have had these weird jaw-breaking yawns, I call them. They are the kind of deep yawns that I get when I am doing energy work, either with myself or if I am working with another professional and I have got a session with them and they are helping me shift stuff. My way of releasing energy is getting these really big wide yawns, and I have been doing those when I do my solo podcast episodes. I keep having to pause this, so I can yawn {laughing}. It is so weird, and it is making me start to wonder if there is something about these episodes that has some kind of healing or releasing effect. Certainly, it is doing something to me, so I don’t know if it is doing something for you, so if you find yourself yawning a lot while listening to this episode, and not because you are bored, but because it is one of those weird, gigantic, jaw-breaking, releasing yawns. Let me know, I would love to know about that, I would love to know if you are getting the yawns as you listen to this or if it is just me releasing stuff as I record this episode? Please excuse me for a second while I pause this and yawn!

Also, I wanted to say, and I know that this is the longest introduction ever, but I feel like I need to update you on stuff, just I stayed in Avebury the last few days, and surprise, surprise, the buyer has fallen through on the house. There is a second person who is kind of lined up, but they are not a sure thing either, so obviously I am thinking about the house again. I will let you know if anything changes in that respect, but it is probably not going to for now, because the timing doesn’t seem to be right. However, I won’t jinx myself by continuing down that path and I will let you know if there are any exciting updates, because there is something, when I am there it feels so right, even though it is so easy for me to say, from the comfort of my current home that it is not perfect, it is not perfect, but nothing is perfect, and I love it. So, I need to share that with you even though I feel like I am going back and forth and back and forth on this and I probably think I sound really wishy-washy.

Patreon

So, one last thing before I move into the episode, and that is that I would love for you to join me on Patreon, if you head over to http://patreon.com/HollyWorton you can join me there. Membership starts at just $1 a month and you will get exclusive access to content that I don’t share anywhere else, including a monthly Q and A, and my afterthoughts for this podcast when I have them. What is that? I often think of extra things to add after I finish an episode, so I am creating extra-mini-episodes, where I share those bits and pieces. What I am doing with the Patreon is creating a membership community of done-for-you energy work. Depending on what tier you join at, I have got done-for-you PSYCH-K® work, I have got done-for-you HEW™ work, so you don’t even need to show up to get the benefits, I am doing this stuff for you in the background. Again, depending on what tier you join at. I have got price-points ranging from $1 a month, all the way up to $1111, and obviously that includes a lot of one-to-one mindset work. I have got price points for everyone.

I have said this before that for the next month, but it is actually going to be for the next couple of months, or until I get 10 patrons on here, I am giving the first ten people who join me on Patreon, at whatever price-level, all the tiers up to the $55-a-month tier. And so that’s going to include, HEW™, PSYCH-K®, you get all kinds of stuff for that. So head on over to http://Patreon.com/hollyworton and you can join me there. Again, the first 10 people, and I am going to keep doing this until I get 10 people in there on my Patreon, you will get no matter what level you join at, you will get all the stuff up to and including the $55 a month level. So that may continue this month, it may continue another month, you will get at least a month, probably more, of extra goodies. So, I would love to see you in there. My whole reason for doing this is so that I can help people at whatever price-point they can afford, and I am super-pleased with this solution, because I felt I needed to add something with a wide-range of different price points. So, again: http://Patreon.com/HollyWorton – that’s all I am going to say about it right now.

Today’s topic

Moving into this episode, that was the longest ever introduction! We are half-way through the episode now. I actually love it when other people do this on their podcasts, so maybe that’s why I felt the need to do that today.

So, mindset: why it isn’t about positive thinking. I think that when we try to be positive about something, and there is an important distinction between being falsely positive, “fake-it-until-you-make-it” type positive and being different from focussing on what you do want rather than what you don’t want. My work is all based on focussing on what you do want, focussing on your goals, focussing on your vision, focussing on the things that you do want in your business and life.

However, there is a big difference between that and thinking positive. So, thinking positive, to me, is tricking yourself, or trying to convince yourself that everything is okay, everything is good, everything is great. “I have got all the clients that I want”, even though you don’t. “My business is going really, really, well”, even though it is not. “I am so happy with my business”, even though maybe you were so frustrated that you were thinking about quitting this morning. You know what I mean? I don’t think that kind of forced positive thinking, that fake-it-until-you-make-it, let’s pretend everything is great, even though it is not, I don think that stuff is good. I don’t think it is useful to you, I don’t think it is serving you in any way, and I certainly don’t think that forcing yourself to pretend everything is going well, is going to affect your subconscious mindset, in a positive way.

So, I don’t think, let me clarify this, thinking: everything is going really well, I am happy with my business, it is going just beautifully, I am making so much money, I have so many clients. Thinking that is not going to effect your subconscious mindset. I always think about the importance of subconscious mindset, and working at the subconscious level, and working with your energy system, to release the blocks that you may have and reprogram your beliefs at the subconscious level so that you can believe what you need to believe in order to have the business and life that you want.

So, I think that thinking positive is damaging because it is like this mask that you are wearing but you are not just wearing it for other people, you are also wearing it for yourself. It is like this way of hiding behind this positive mask. That’s not serving us because I think sometimes, and I know sometimes because this is how I work with myself and clients, we need to be aware of the limiting beliefs, that are keeping us stuck, we need to be aware of the fears, we need to be aware of the blocks, so that we can transform those things. So, when you are trying to think positive all the time, when you are trying to think positive, I do believe that is hurting you because it is not allowing you to dig deep and look at your mindcrap. You know as well as I do if you try to sweep all that stuff under the rug it is not going to go away, it is just going to be hidden. And the more hidden you keep it the harder it is going to be to uncover that stuff again, so that you can transform it. And the purpose of the mindset work that I do, with myself, with my clients, the purpose of the way I teach mindset work, is digging up the crap to release the stuff that doesn’t serve you, transform those fears, transform those blocks, transform those limiting beliefs; and also reprogram the stuff that you need to believe in order to make you want happen.

So, like I said, sometimes you need to dig deep to find the diamond amongst the mind crap and the diamond is that, and this is a saying I got from one of the PSYCH-K® instructors, Duccio who does the Health and Wellbeing training, and that was a concept that I really, really, loved, he teaches you to keep asking the questions, digging, digging, digging, to get deep to the root, the root cause of the mindcrap that’s keeping you stuck. So, you need to be willing to do the deep work, and this is possible to do on your own, it absolutely is possible, you can through journaling, or probably through other ways, the way I would do it is journalling, get clear on your mindcrap. However, I find it hard to work really deeply with myself and I find that doing this work is so much easier when I am working with another professional. So, when I have signed up for a session with someone else, they will ask me the difficult questions and they will help me dig deep. And there are some people that I have worked with so many times over the last few years, that they are good at calling me out on stuff, they are good at knowing which questions to ask, they are good at holding up the mirror so that I can see the crap that I don’t want to see. And they are good at doing it gently so that I can see the stuff more quickly than if they were really in-your-face about it. However, I do have some friends and also therapists, healers, who can be very much in-my-face about stuff and I do welcome that because sometimes I need people to say things to me very, very, directly for me to get them. If you find that you can’t get deep enough, to dig through your crap, to get clear on the diamond on your own, work with someone else. And I say this all the time, I think it is really important to do the mindset work with ourselves but also, from time-to-time, when you need to, hire someone else to work with you. I think it is the most powerful way of working through this stuff.

There is a fine line here, because I am not fond of traditional talk therapies where you just go and talk about the crap, I am aware that I don’t want you to kind of swing to the other side of the pendulum here, it is not about thinking positive and talking positive, it is also not about digging up the crap all the time. The only purpose of digging up the crap is so that you can do the work to transform it, so there is no need to dwell on it, there is no need to dwell on your past traumas, your past disappointments, your past fears. The only purpose of doing that is within a session when you know that you are going to transform the stuff. And I would say don’t sit down to dig up crap unless you also have the time to transform it. Because, again we don’t want to train ourselves to dwell on this stuff, we just want to dig it up, transform it and move on; and if you are working at the subconscious level this stuff is really, really, fast. So, HEW™, PSYCH-K®, whatever it is that you use, if you are working at the subconscious level oftentimes these techniques in five minutes or so, will transform a past trauma, a past fear, or transform a belief or a block that you have.

These are very fast acting things, so it is not like you have to schedule an hour with yourself to sit down dig up the crap and work on it. You could do it in a half-hour, you could pick one thing and do 15 minutes. It is not something that requires a lot of time. But, I do think that it is important that if you are going to dig up the stuff, to make the time to transform it in that same session. Whether you are with yourself, or whether you are with someone else because once we have brought up that stuff to the surface you don’t want it hanging around, you want it just bring it up and clear it. I think that’s a really important distinction to make, and I think that’s why I am so not fond of certain talk therapies that just bring the crap up and then don’t do anything. I know that some people aren’t going to agree with this, and that’s fantastic, but for me personally I have not found value in talking about the crap, and bringing up the crap, and re-living it. To me the power of accessing those memories, those experiences, is simply to clear them. And that’s the way I work, that’s what works for me, if something else different works for you, fantastic. There is no one solution for everyone, I always say that.

So what to do with this?

First of all, if you hear yourself, and pay attention to what you say, pay attention to the words that you hear coming out of your mouth, and pay attention to the words that you hear running around in your head. So, if you hear yourself saying or thinking or pretending that everything is going well well when deep down you don’t feel like it is, write that down, make a note of it. Pay attention to the ways that you are forcing yourself to think positively, or play positive, or pretend that everything is going well when deep down you know it is not. Write that stuff down and then write down how you want to feel and program those beliefs, because actually programming those positive, or enhancing, belief statements into your subconscious will help you get the beliefs you need to take the actions that you need to take to build the business and lifestyle that you want. So write that stuff down and do the work on it.

In the same way, write down the stuff that is triggered when you hear yourself saying that positive stuff that you know isn’t true or that you feel isn’t true. What fears do you have? What are you afraid of? What’s going on for you there? Bring that stuff up to the surface and then flip it around, and think: how would I rather feel instead? What would I rather be experiencing? What do I want/need to feel about myself, and my abilities, in order to do the things I need to do to make my dreams come true and achieve my goals? So, I often when I do these episodes, run through the 15 categories of beliefs and categories of blocks, because I think those are really useful to kind of jog people’s memories of fears or blocks they may have or jog their inspiration for things that they might want or need to believe.

I don’t want to be too repetitive with that, so I am just going to run through the categories here and see if they trigger anything for you.

So, have you been pretending to be positive? Or have you been acting positive even when you are not really feeling it in any of these categories:

Actions and goals: have you been pretending that you are an action taker when really you are not? Change that belief.

Change and growth: have you been pretending that you are into personal growth and development when really change scares the crap out of you? Do something about that.

Clients: have you been pretending that you have got a full calendar of clients even though you can’t remember the last time somebody clicked and bought something from you on your website? Change your beliefs around that.

Confidence and self-trust: have you been trying to fake-it-until-you-make-it and act like you are confident even though you are totally not? Change your beliefs around that. Changing your beliefs around confidence and self-trust can really, really, help you develop a deep, deep, confidence in yourself.

Creativity, have you been pretending like you are a creative entrepreneur when really you feel like you have no new ideas that anyone gives a shit about? Change your beliefs around that.

Leadership and outsourcing: have you been following your favourite online entrepreneurs pretending to be a leader yourself, when really deep down you feel like you are just following everyone else? What would you rather have instead? Change your beliefs around that.

Learning: do you see other people talking online about how much love learning and how much they love being an entrepreneur because it encourages them, or gives them the opportunity to learn so much about business and marketing and other things? And really you couldn’t give a shit and maybe you feel like you are not good at learning stuff, what would you rather have instead? Change your beliefs around that.

Lifestyle: have you been pretending that you have the lifestyle of your dreams? Have you been trying to keep up with the Jones’s? Have you been pretending that everything is all hunky-dory with your lifestyle? When really you are not happy with it? Get clear on what you want, get clear on what you need to believe about yourself in order to have that lifestyle that you want. Change your beliefs and then take action. All of this, and I am talking about changing beliefs, always goes hand-in-hand with action-taking.

Marketing and sales: do you see people talking about how much they love marketing and sales online, and how much they love the hustle of business and really you just want to vomit? Well, stop pretending, take a look at your beliefs around marketing and sales, change those beliefs and then take action.

Money: we all love talking about money in the online business world, we all love making it look like we have got our money shit solved when really that’s such a big deep topic, I think very few people, if any, actually have their money shit solved. So, look at all those people who are living lavish lifestyles, spending money on holidays, stuff for their kids, expensive schools, I don’t know what else, whatever stuff that might trigger you. Use that as an opportunity to look at your own stuff, change those beliefs and then take the actions that you need to take to bring the actions into your business and life.

Personal power: have you been pretending that your life is powerful as an online entrepreneur but really that you feel like no one cares? Like you are just this little business person doing your thing? Really tap into what you would rather have instead. How you want to feel, how you want to act, how you want to feel instead. Change those beliefs and take the action.

Strategy, clarity and vision: you feel like everyone else knows exactly what they want from their business and life, but you have no clue? Like you kind of have an idea, but not really. Changing your beliefs around your ability to create a clear vision, and a clear strategy, to get there and achieve that vision can actually help you take the actions you need to take to develop that clear vision and the strategy to achieve that. Change your beliefs and take the action.

Success and opportunities: do you hear people talking about being super-successful and feeling like you have got to pretend to be super successful yourself, you have got to put on that successful-entrepreneur mask when you do your online stuff and really you feel like shit on the inside? Stop playing the game and think about how you want to feel, think about what you need to believe about yourself so that you can feel successful. And success means so many things, it is not just the money you make, it is not just the size of your business, it is not just how many likes or hearts or stuff you have got on your online postings. Figure out what success means to you and make it happen, make it happen through changing your beliefs and taking the actions.

Value and self-worth: do you feel that everyone else values their work? They have got those high online prices and you are terrified of quoting your own prices? Do the work, figure out what you need to believe in order to truly value yourself and value your expertise and your knowledge and the stuff that you bring to this world. Change those beliefs and take the action.

Visibility: So many online entrepreneurs are super visible and maybe you have been playing small, maybe you feel like you have been playing small or maybe you feel like you have been taking steps but still not seeing the results. Maybe you are afraid to get more visible or maybe you have been faking it. Maybe you have been pretending to be a super-visible-online entrepreneur woman and it just doesn’t feel right, there’s something weird about your energy it is repelling people because you are not being authentic, maybe? I don’t know, I have done it before. So look at what you have been doing in terms of visibility, is it aligned, does it feel great? What do you want in terms of visibility? What do you need to believe about yourself in order to step up and be more visible and step up as the expert that you are? Get clear on those beliefs and change them and take the action.

So, you have probably noticed a theme as I moved through all those topics, it is about changing the beliefs, it is about releasing the blocks, releasing the fears, transforming your beliefs and then taking the action you need to take to move towards your goals. Always: mindset work, action, mindset work, action, mindset work, action. I say this all the time and I keep saying this all the time, because it is so important, it is not just the mindset work it is also the action. However, the good news is that it is easier to take action, it is easier to take bigger actions, it is easier to take actions outside of our comfort zone when we have done the mindset work. But it is a constant thing it is like that spiral staircase I always talk about, you take one step with the mindset work and you take one step with the practical action work.

So, I hope this has helped you see why mindset work is not about thinking positive and why sometimes we need to dig through the crap and we need to look at the crap, but not just looking at crap for crap’s sake, but so that we can release it, so that we can transform it, so that we can make a difference with our mindset. So, we can change our beliefs, we can change our attitudes, we can change our perspectives and make it easier to take the actions we need to take so that we can achieve our goals for our business and life.

So, that’s all for today, I hope you found this episode interesting and useful and please drop me a line and let me know what you thought about it. Also what you thought about the mega introduction that I did, that was not really planned, it was kind of spontaneous, but I really liked it, so I would like to do more of those but not if you hated it so let me know what you thought. You can email me at [email protected] or find me online and get in touch. Thank you so much for listening if you enjoyed the episode please leave a quick review on apple podcasts or iTunes, it would mean the world to me and again I would love for you to join me on Patreon, remember that the first 10 people to join get extra stuff, so head over to: http://Patreon.com/hollyworton. Finally, remember to visit: https://www.hollyworton.com/272 for the show notes on this episode. Thank you so much.

272: Holly Worton ~ Mindset: Why It Isn’t About Positive Thinking