285: Holly Worton ~ How to Trust in Yourself & Trust That Everything is Working Out

Today’s Guest

Table of Contents

I’m back again, with another solo episode! Today’s topic is thanks to one of my Patrons, who wrote in with the following suggestion:

“I’ve been thinking about trust and specifically trusting your own judgment, trusting that things will work out/ the universe/ that things will unfold; and trust that things will be alright. I had a bad day yesterday due to various things and I just ended up in that space where you think things will never be right. Today things are better and I was really thinking about why when I’m in that zone I don’t trust that I won’t stay there for ever even though I never have stayed there forever. I really think practical tips for when you’re in that zone and generally building trust would be helpful. I do think you have to build trust but sometimes I feel I’m not doing enough work on that. For me a lot of it is fight or flight and rational brain not kicking in when I’m in panic mode but trust is definitely a part of it too.”

I’ve touched on aspects of this in a couple of previous episodes, but I think this is really worth revisiting as we move into the new year.

Listen To This Episode

What You’ll Learn

How to trust your own judgment
How to trust that things will work out
How to trust in the Universe
How to trust that things will unfold in your best interest and highest good
How to trust that things will be all right
How to trust that you’re exactly where you need to be right now on your path
What to do when you fall into the pit of mistrust
How to build your trust in yourself

Things I Discussed

280: Holly Worton ~ How to Let Go of Pessimism & Feel More Optimistic About Everything (now with downloadable transcript!)
243: Holly Worton ~ How to Trust Yourself in Business (now with downloadable transcript!)
Lisa Wechtenhiser
My Business Intuition book
239: Holly Worton ~ How to Quit the Comparison Game for Good (now with downloadable transcript!)
Vickie Young’s Weekly Messages

Connect With Holly

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Transcript

The transcript for this episode can also be downloaded here (no opt-in required).

Holly: Hello and welcome to the Into the Woods podcast, episode 285. This is your host Holly Worton, and I am back with another solo episode. Today, I am going to talk about something that I have touched on in the past, and even done another episode on, but I feel like this is such an important topic that I wanted to go deeper into it. Also, this episode is inspired by one of my patrons who wrote in with this suggestion.

Patreon

Before we get into today’s episode, I wanted to say a huge thank you to new patron Amelia Hay, thank you so much for joining us in the Patreon community and I look forward to hanging out with you in there.

Since we are on the topic of Patreon, I wanted to alert you to some new changes within the Patreon community. Now that this has been up and running for a few months, I have looked at the different tiers that I am offering and what I am really actually doing in there with the people who have joined me, and I have decided to make some changes. It is mostly kind of adding some stuff and clarifying some of the things, so, very quickly, before we get into the episode, I would like to go through the tiers: so, at the root level, which is $1 a month, you get access to my patron-only feed, which includes stuff that I don’t share anywhere else. I will also verbally thank you on the podcast when you sign up. You also will get access to discounted sessions and packages with me, including things that I won’t be sharing anywhere else. I have already made a couple of offers that I have only put out to the Patreon community and I have other stuff that I have put out first to the Patreon community before sending it out to my newsletter. So, you will also get first dibs on limited offers before they go live to the newsletter. So that’s from just $1 month.

Then at the sacral level, which is $5 a month, you get all the previous stuff, plus you can email me with questions any time citing ‘Patreon Q and A’ in the subject heading and I will answer your questions in the monthly Q and A, and this is a new thing. You will also get access to my weekly heart-centred session for patrons at this level and above. So, each week I use heart-centred-energy-work (HEW®) to balance your heart centre and release any blocks you may have around self-love, self-acceptance, self-trust. This is done-for-you energy work, so you don’t need to be present, you will get it even though you don’t have to show up, I am doing it for you. When I do my ‘She Walks in Nature’ walks you will get a free ticket to any of those, so just let me know if you can make it and I will sign you up. Next level, solar plexus, that is $11 or more a month and you get all previous awards, plus you get free copies of all of my books in e-book format; so just email me to get a copy of those. At this level, you will also be a member of my Advisory Board, so you will receive a link to join my special advisory board email list, after you sign up at that level, and I will be using that group for feedback with my upcoming books. Also, from time to time, I will give people on my Advisory Board I will give people the opportunity to contribute to my books with quotes, tips, or case studies.

Next level is the heart-level, at this level you will get access to my monthly mindset session that I will be doing for patrons at this level and above. So, each month I muscle test on the best topic to focus on, and then I use PSYCH-K® to reprogram our subconscious beliefs around this topic. Again, this work is done offline, so you won’t need to be present to get the results each month and every month I post a summary in Patreon of the work that I did for all of use.

Next level, communication, $55 a month or more, you get all previous awards plus you get access (and this is a new thing!) to my monthly HEW® session, that I will be doing for patrons at this level and above. So again each month I will muscle test on the best topic to focus on, and I use HEW® to reprogram our subconscious beliefs and release energy blocks around this topic. Again, this is done for you, it is done offline, but I will also record the session and pop it into Patreon for you, which means that you can listen to it yourself if you choose to do so, and do the work on your own, even though it is not necessary because it has been done for you. At this level you also get a signed copy of any of books that are currently in print.

Moving on to the third eye, for $111 or more a month, you get all previous awards, plus you get access to a live monthly workshop with me, if you can’t make it live a recording will be sent out. The following two levels include a lot of 1:1 work with me, that’s live work, so the crown level, at $555 or more a month, includes two 90-minute 1:1 sessions with me and they could be channelling, HEW®, PSYCH-K®, coaching, whatever you want.

Final level, transcendence, at $1111 a month, you get four 90-minute sessions 1:1 with me, and again we can work in whatever way you need.

So, those are the tiers, that’s it for Patreon this month, I just wanted to let you know the new stuff that is in there and all the stuff that I have added.

Today’s Topic

So, moving on to today’s episode, again, this topic is thanks to one of my Patrons who wrote in with the following suggestion:

“I’ve been thinking about trust, and specifically trusting your own judgment, trusting that things will work out, trusting in the universe, trusting that things will unfold; and trust that things will be alright. I had a bad day yesterday due to various things and I just ended up in that space where you think things will never be right. Today things are better, and I was really thinking about why when I’m in that zone I don’t trust that I won’t stay there for ever even though I never have stayed there forever. I really think practical tips for when you’re in that zone and generally building trust would be helpful. I do think you have to build trust but sometimes I feel I’m not doing enough work on that. For me a lot of it is fight or flight and rational brain not kicking in when I’m in panic mode, but trust is definitely a part of it too.”

So, I have touched on aspects of this and a couple of previous episodes, but I really think that this is worth revisiting as we move into The new year. So, as I record this, it is December, but as you are listening to this, it is at the very least, the first Monday in January. So, Happy New Year, I think this is a really timely episode as we move into the new year, because trusting yourself is massively life-changing. The more you trust yourself, the less you will rely on other people for decision-making and just everything in your life, it just gives you your own compass by which you can judge what is right or wrong, what decisions you need to make, it is really difficult for me to explain just how life-changing it has been for me.

So, moving onto the episode, you are going to learn: how to trust your own judgement, how to trust that things will work out, how to trust in the universe, how to trust that things will unfold in your best interest and highest good. How to trust that things will be all right, how to trust that you are exactly where you need to be, right now, on your path. What to do when you fall into that pit of mistrust and how to trust in yourself. So, as I said, I have kind of touched on this in some previous episodes, I did one episode on trust, episode 243, how to trust yourself in business and that has a downloadable transcript, so I would recommend that you check that one out as well, because that’s kind of the first version of this. Episode 280, which is more recent, was about how to let go of pessimism and feel more optimistic about everything, also with downloadable transcript. So those are two things that if you want to delve deeper into this topic of trust, and trusting that everything is going to work out, you might find those useful.

For now, let’s talk about trust. I came from a place where I didn’t trust myself. I had completely gotten off track, again that’s debatable because you could argue that we are always on-track, but I felt off-track, I felt that I was totally out of alignment, I felt like I didn’t know up from down, right from wrong, I was just living out of alignment with my values, it was just not a good time and I am talking about the period of time when I was running my first business. That went on for about ten years, it was like I got more and more and more out of alignment, until I got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore and I left and made a lot of big changes in my life. From there, I spent the following ten years, trying to get back into alignment; now I am at the points where I am more aligned than I ever have been and I trust myself more than I ever have, I think I spent the vast majority of my life just not trusting myself at all. I was always looking outside myself for advice, for guidance for other people, because I just didn’t trust myself. Obviously when I trained in PSYCH-K® five years ago and started doing the mindset work, that was kind of the first step on this path to trusting myself but one of the biggest things was working with my coach, she is more than a coach, because she channels your guides, Lisa Wechtenhiser, whom I have mentioned 1000 times in this podcast. She specialises in helping people develop unwavering trust in themselves. She was the person who really helped me move from this place of, “I don’t know who I am, and what I am doing, how do I make decisions, I don’t know,” to absolutely knowing which things are right, which things are wrong, and making really good decisions for myself, and for my life.

As soon as I finished recording episode 243, which was How to trust yourself in business, I realised that I neglected to mention Lisa; I felt really, really, bad about that, because really my self-trust is kind of “before” and “after” my work with Lisa because she really, really, helped me to trust myself deeply, and have that unwavering trust that she always talks about. So, I think one of the ways that you can develop trust in yourself, is working with someone like her, working with someone who is, she is more than a coach like I said, she is kind of like a trust coach, she really helps you develop trust in yourself. I always recommend Lisa, check her out, learn from her and maybe work with her, or maybe find someone else, or do the mindset work to start building trust in yourself. I don’t think this necessarily has to be a solitary journey to learning to trust yourself, you absolutely can get support from other people, whether that’s listening to a podcast like this, or working with a coach, or doing a course, or reading a book, or something that will help you on your path to trusting yourself. Self-trust is such an important element in my life that it is one of the core elements of HEW® that I do. So, when I work with myself, or with someone else, using HEW® work, the very first thing that we do, is we balance the heart centre. As I mentioned earlier, this is one of the things that I offer as a ‘done-for-you’ session for my patrons, depending on what tier you sign up at, because the heart-centre is where we work on self-trust, self-acceptance and self-love. Those are the three things that are just so important that if you can get those, and start developing those, life just becomes so much more aligned, and so much easier. I can hear myself talking, and I realise how kind of abstract this sounds, but it is just absolutely life-changing.

What is trust?

So, getting into the practical side of things: how do you develop this trust in yourself, this unwavering trust?

So, before we get into that, let’s talk about: what is trust? So, trust is allowance, integrity, strength, ability of a person, or thing; so the ability to rely on your own integrity, strength, ability, confidence – it is confident expectation of something, hope. So self-trust is being able to rely on yourself, trusting in your abilities, trusting in your strength, trusting in your capacity to do the things that you want to do, create the life that you want to create. If you don’t have that… life is kind of crappy because you often find yourself looking to other people for help when making decisions or other things in life. I am pretty sure we have all experienced self-doubt at some point in our lives, I think some of us more than others, and I think a lot of people go through most of their lives doubting themselves, doubting their abilities, doubting their capacity, doubting their ability to create the life they want to have. So, if you have ever doubted in yourself this episode is for you, and I am sure that is everyone out there, because we all have moments of self-doubt, we all have bad days where we don’t trust in ourselves, where we don’t trust the universe, we don’t trust that things will work out for us. The question is why, why do we stop trusting ourselves? Why don’t we have this innate ability to sustain a sense of unwavering trust in ourselves. I think a lot of it has to do with fear, I think a lot of it has to do with fear of making the wrong decision, fear of going down the wrong path in life, fear of getting off track, fear of just not getting it right. This can come from so many different places, it can come from parents, family members, friends, teachers, authority figures in our lives, starting from very young. We want to do something, and they say: no, you can’t do that, and I think that kind of starts to plant the seeds of doubt in ourselves and this is natural, and this is part of life. So, this is not to point the finger at anyone, or point the blame at anyone, it is just something that happens, we stop trusting ourselves and life gets more difficult, to be honest.

Building self-trust and intuition

So, how to turn it around? My starting point, is something I discussed in the previous episode in 243, where I talked about trusting yourself in business, is to know yourself, to really know who you are, where you are in life, where you are going in life, what do you want in life? And really getting to know yourself deeply. I am not going to talk any more on this topic, because I have already talked about it, in episode 243, so if you want to delve more into that, look into that. Know yourself — that is the first step.

Now if you feel like you know yourself, but you still don’t trust yourself, what can you do? As I mentioned in that episode, I also talked about building your intuition and I talk about many ways to build on your intuition, in my Business Intuition book, which is useful not just for business intuition but for life intuition. So getting to know yourself, and trusting your gut, are kind of the two foundation steps. If you feel like you have got those under control, or at least started on your journey to both building your intuition and knowing yourself, I think the important thing is to focus on what you do want. Don’t allow yourself, kind of get wrapped up in what other people are doing, compare yourself to what other people are doing, compare yourself to where other people are in their path. Stay focussed on you, avoid shiny objects, stay focussed on you, stay focused on you and your life and your decisions, and what you want. I know that this is easier said than done, but I think that when we have these crappy days, where we feel like nothing is ever going to be right and we have gotten off our path, and life is shit, the best thing to do is to turn our focus on ourselves, what do you want? What are you doing today? What can you do today to take one tiny step, or one big step, but one tiny step, towards your goals? Towards what you want in life, towards what you want to experience.

So, it is always going to be about turning your perspective on its head, so stop focussing on what you don’t want and stat focussing on what you do want. When you feel yourself getting off track, when you feel yourself spiralling down, stop and focus on what you do want. One of the easiest ways that I found to do that is through gratitude work, just stop and write a list of ten things that you are grateful for, or three things that you are grateful for, or one thing that you are grateful for, but stop your downward spiral and focus on the stuff that you already have. That, to me, is one of the easiest ways to turn around my perspective and start focussing again on what I already have and then what I do want to experience. I think a lot of us stray off our path and go into this downward spiral because we lose this focus on ourselves and we start focussing on others. When I say focus on yourself, I am not saying that you need to be self-centred all the time, and only think about yourself, and forget other people’s needs, but the focus needs to be on yourself in the sense of focussing on what you do want so you can make decisions based on what you do want to experience and not what you don’t want to experience. This is the basis of the mindset work that I have been doing for the last five-and-a-half years: focus on what you do want rather than what you don’t want. That will really help you with your own judgement, because if you have got your head firmly centred on what do you want to experience, it will make it a lot easier for you to make decisions and judgements which are in alignment with what you do want to experience.

So, how to trust in the universe, how to trust that things will work out? How to trust that things will unfold in your best interest and highest good and that everything will be all right? I think, again, this goes back to focussing on what you do want and taking little steps towards that. When you falter in your path refocus your attention on what you do want, and focus on positive things, focus on how you want to feel, focus on things that make you feel good, focus on experiencing the things that you want to experience. I know sometimes we don’t always create those things in physical reality so maybe you want to travel, and you don’t have the money now. You can travel in your mind, either read a book, or watch a film, or documentary, or something on that place that you want to travel to, travel with your mind. Visualise the things that you want want to experience, this is all part of reality creation, and manifestation, whatever you want to call it. It is all a part of the work that you do to create the life that you want to create, it is mindset work and it is practical action work. So, the more you focus on the things that you want to experience, the more you will trust that things will actually be unfolding the way you want them to, because it will start showing up in your reality, it will start happening because you start taking the actions that you need to take to achieve those things. This isn’t just doing the mindset work, this isn’t just visualising and practising the law of attraction, you do need to take practical action here. The more you do the mindset work the easier it will be to take the practical action.

Now, I have been through some dark phases in my life, we all have ups and downs in our lives, sometimes we get to a point where things just feel like shit and life doesn’t seem to be working out and we feel like we have gotten off track, and we feel we have gotten off our path; and even that crappy part is useful, even that crappy is part of your path. I think that path of trusting that you are exactly where you need to be right now on your path, that things are unfolding in your best interest and highest good, has to do with accepting that we have ups and downs in our lives and just because you fall into a dip, doesn’t mean that you are not going to start moving out of it. Again, when you are in that dip, move your focus, move your attention to what you want instead, what you would rather be having instead. I feel like that this might sound like I am oversimplifying it, but this is what you need to do, change your focus, change your focus to what you want to be experiencing instead. And do that however you do it, whether that is doing belief upgrades, mindset work, energy work, journaling, gratitude work, whatever, but do something to change your focus to the things that you want to experience. I set a lot of goals, I work towards my goals, I have a vision, I have dreams, and I tend to get really impatient with myself, and I tend to get really frustrated with myself that I feel like I am not doing enough, or moving fast enough, and I do this because I often will compare myself to other people, every time I compare myself to other people I feel like shit. Luckily, I have been pretty good about not doing that as much as I used to, but occasionally it still happens. I actually did an episode on this a while back, it was number 239, how to quit the comparison game for good. So, if this is something that you are experiencing, check out that episode, it is definitely something that I have gotten myself stuck in in the past.

So, again, how to trust that you are exactly where you need to to be on your path right now. I really struggle with that sometimes because I get impatient, so much so that I was looking through my flower essences and homeopathic stuff the other day, and I saw that I had not one, but two, vials of the impatience flower essence, because I must have forgotten I bought it the first time, and I felt so impatient that I wanted to get a second one, I don’t know. Something that has been a thing for me for much of my life: I am not moving fast enough, I am not doing enough, I am not where I should be, fast enough. The other week I got one of my weekly Akashic records emails, and I will put the link to that in the show notes, from Vickie Young, and the Akashic records keeper said to me:

“Holly, we wish to send this message to you, so you can realise that you are exactly where you need to be. NEED TO BE. Think about that for a minute Holly, you need to be somewhere right now, and where in fact is that?”

I love the sense of humour they have, and this was really timely for me, because I often feel like I am not moving fast enough and to hear that message: I am exactly where I need to be right now is really useful. So, I am going to say it to you: you are exactly where you need to be right now Think about that, you need to be somewhere right now, and where in fact is that? Right where you are.

So, thinking about that concept, you are exactly where you need to be right now. Now, I know a lot of people have resistance to hearing this, I was actually discussing this email with a friend a couple of weeks ago and she was like: ugh I hate that message, I know it is right, but I hate it. So, if you are having that kneejerk reaction, fine, that’s ok, have that reaction, allow yourself to experience that, and think: what if this were true? What if you are exactly where you need to be right now, because that is the case, your life is unfolding exactly as it is meant to, everything that is happening to you, even the crappy-crap, is in your best interest and highest good, and I know that can be hard to swallow sometimes because sometimes life feels like crap, but that’s the truth. You are exactly where you need to be, even if you are having a crappy day, that’s the stuff that makes us stronger and teaches us stuff.

So, trust, that you are exactly where you need to be right now, and when you fall into that pit of mistrust, that pit of doubt, turn your focus around from: life is crap, it is never going to get better, I am crap, I am never going to do what I want to do, I am never going to achieve what I want to achieve, turn your focus from that crap to: what you want instead? So, don’t get distracted by others, don’t get distracted by comparing yourself, put the focus back on you, on you and what you want to experience in your life.

Summary

So, I am going to recap some of the things that I said earlier that you can do, because I feel like this has been a kind of motivational kind of episode, but I like it to be really practical. So, here are some things you can do today, or whenever you get into that downward spiral of crappiness. Stop. Take a few minutes and change your focus. Do a gratitude list, I find ten a good list, because that is enough time to kind of really get into it and turn my thoughts on being grateful for what I currently have. That’s kind of the transition from: I feel like shit, but I already have lots of good things in my life, I want to create more of the good things in my life. So, gratitude work, for me, is kind of the bridge between the crappy-crap and the good stuff. That’s what works for me, that may or may not work for you, I know a lot of people have resistance to doing gratitude work, I say: try it once and see if it helps. If you are feeling like shit, what is the worst that can happen? Gratitude work is not going to make you feel any worse. So, gratitude first because that’s the bridge, you might have a different bridge.

From there, focus on what you do want, so do the mindset work, so if you work with belief statements using PSYCH-K® or another technique, create some belief statements around what you do want to experience. PSYCH-K® has a process called a “VAC to the future”, which is a really specific way of creating a vision of what you want to experience, do that, or just visualise, or write out, what do you want to have instead? So, if you are feeling crappy about your family, or your business, or your life, or your money: what do you want instead? And that’s the question you need to answer, but you need to answer it in detail, journal it, meditate on it, visualise it, whatever works for you, what do you want instead, but in detail, what are you going to be doing differently? How do you want to feel differently? What do you want to be happening around you that is different? You can do this on your own, or you can help from someone else. If you are having a shitty day, where you feel like everything is just awful, start immediately, do the gratitude work, or whatever your bridge thing is, and then do the other stuff to focus on what you do want.

If you feel like you need something else, hire someone, hire a coach, hire a mentor, ask someone to turn this stuff around, but start with yourself, and moving back to our original topic of trusting in yourself, the more you do the work with yourself to pull yourself up out of these crappy places, the more you are going to trust yourself, the more you are going to trust in your ability to get yourself back on track, to get yourself feeling good, to get yourself creating the life that you want to create, to get yourself living the life that you want to create. Doing this work with yourself first, before you hire someone else to help you, is going to help your self-trust. Hope this makes sense.

The more that you can do this work with yourself, The more you will increase your self-trust. The more you do the mindset work with yourself, the more you will increase your self-trust. The more you help yourself, the more you will increase your self-trust. I feel like I am getting really ranty here, but this is it, this is you helping yourself, before you get outside help. Again, getting outside help is fine, I do it all the time, there is nothing wrong with getting outside help, but also help yourself. Make sure that you don’t fall into the trap of always getting outside help and not helping yourself. Help yourself first, because that is super-empowering and I know that word gets thrown around a lot, and it is one of those words like alignment, authentic, that I don’t know if they even have their original powerful meaning anymore, because they are getting used a lot, but it is super empowering to be able to trust yourself so do the work with yourself first. If you feel like: I am in the middle of a whirlwind and I don’t have time, I don’t know, five minutes, you don’t have five minutes? Go to the bathroom pee and visualise something nice while you are in the bathroom. I don’t know – you have got a couple of minutes!

Do what you need to do to turn your focus around, that is the basis of all of my advice in this episode; and self-trust is such an important thing that I am happy to revisit this in another episode on self-trust. So if you listen to this and you listen to the other episode on self-trust and you think: I still don’t know what the hell she is talking about, I don’t know what the hell to do, how do I get out of this pit of doubt and crap? Email me: [email protected], tell me your crap, and tell me what your questions are, and I will do another episode on this. Or, if you are in Patreon, head over to the Patreon community and post your crap in there {laughing} and we will talk about it in there. This is a super, super, important topic for me, and I am happy to do more episodes, because self-trust is life-changing. I said this at the beginning of the episode, but oh God life is before and after self-trust for me, it feels so damn good to trust myself. Again, I am not perfect, I am not trusting myself 100% of every day, I have some blips, but the blips are short and few and far between. So, focus on what you do want, even when you are in that crappy place, turn your thoughts around from: nothing is working, things are shit, to: what do I want instead?

If you take one thing away from this episode, it is the question: what do I want instead? That is the question that you should always be asking yourself when you feel like shit, when you feel like things aren’t working out, nothing is working, your life isn’t working out. I feel like shit, what do I want instead? How do I want to feel instead? What do I want to be experiencing instead? What do I want instead? Rant over!

So I hope you found this interesting and useful, I hope you apply this to your life and if you still feel like that didn’t solve anything, please let me know, please let me know what you need, and I will do another episode on it. So, that is all for today, please email me: [email protected], if you have questions, comments, ideas for episode topics, whatever. I love doing episodes based on what you want to hear, so I love it when people send me topics.

As always, thank you so much for listening, I really appreciate the time that people spend listening to these, I appreciate the feedback I get, I do like feedback because it is really useful for me to know what you find useful and helpful, so, feedback is good. Next week’s episode is a really juicy one with Jo Casey, where we talk about connecting to nature and using that as a basis to connect with yourself and using that to connect to yourself, which is another thing that fosters self-trust. So, I kind of feel like next week’s episode is a good partner tot next week’s episode, it is good stuff, so tune in next week and in the meantime remember to visit: http://HollyWorton.com/285 for the show notes on this episode. If you feel drawn to, join me on Patreon, that’s http://Pateon.com/HollyWorton I would love to see you in there and that’s it for now. Have a great week and I will see you next week. Thank you.