291 Holly Worton ~ How to Open Up & Be Vulnerable in Your Creative Ventures

Today’s Guest

Table of Contents

I’m back again, with another solo episode! This is my first new episode since I’ve been back from holiday, and it feels great to be recording another show. The topic for this episode has been on my list for a long time, and came in via a reader. I don’t even remember who it was at this point! But vulnerability is a topic that’s been on my mind the last few days, and I wanted to revisit it again, even though we’ve touched on it here in a few previous episodes (links below).

Listen To This Episode

What You’ll Learn

What vulnerability is and why it’s important
Why it’s so useful for us to work on our vulnerability muscle
How to know when it’s appropriate to share and open up and be vulnerable
How and where to be vulnerable online
How to make it easier by starting with baby steps where it feels safe
Why I choose to be vulnerable even in places where it doesn’t feel as safe

Things I Discussed

Connect With Holly

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Transcript

The transcript for this episode can also be downloaded here (no opt-in required).

Holly: Hello and welcome to the Into the Woods podcast, episode 291. I just had to redo this intro because I started out saying welcome to the Business Mindset Podcast, however, we are clearly not there anymore! So welcome to the Into The Woods podcast episode 291! We are almost at 300 episodes, I cannot believe this podcast has come so far and gone through so many changes in the last five-and-a-half-years but, we can talk about that later…this is your host Holly Worton and I am back with another episode, today, I am going to talk about vulnerability.

Now, this is something I have talked about before on the podcast, we have got episode 161, with Alison Byrd, which was a great episode. And she was talking about how vulnerability can kill your cash flow, basically, how not to use vulnerability in business. Before that we had episode 114, with Meg Worden, How to be Vulnerable and Tell Your Story Without Shame, that was a great episode because she was talking about something from her past that was a bit tricky, that could bring on some judgement perhaps from people. And how, rather than ignoring that part of her path, she decided to just put it out there front and centre, talking about it, and not being ashamed of it – that was a great episode.

Way before that, episode 20, we talked with Celestine Chua who is a very, very, successful blogger and we did an episode called How To Build A Successful Business Around Your Blog and in it we talked about vulnerability and how she believes that her willingness to open and be vulnerable on her blog, even back in the early days, was what helped her achieve success with her business which she built around her blog. So, this podcast has touched upon vulnerability before and something that has kind of been going on in my mind, because I think I am feeling very vulnerable with my tree book, which will be coming out in April. I have got a hard deadline that I have given myself on that now, it is not December, it is not January, it is April, and it is happening in April. But, as I have touched on before, I am feeling really vulnerable about this, because it is a topic that while I am okay talking to you about it, and talking to most of my friends about it, it is not something that I feel comfortable talking about with everyone. I have done a ton of mindset work on that, but I know I have still got a way to go. I think part of it is going to be getting the book out there, sharing it with the world, and seeing people’s reactions to it. So, vulnerability is a hot topic for me right now and I wanted to kind of share that with you and discuss that with you.

Now, this is my first episode that I am recording since I have come back from my holiday, or semi-holiday, in the States. I was gone for three weeks during the month of January and I was so super-organised in getting all of my podcast episodes recorded before I left. Not just all the episodes that came out before I was gone, but for the next two weeks after because I knew I would be having jet lag and it would take a while for me to get back into the swing of things. I am actually really grateful to myself for having done that for having done that, because it is really nice to finally be back, be settled in, and have my brain back in gear fully to do an actual episode. So, I have been feeling a bit disconnected from the podcast because I keep seeing these episodes going live and kind of sharing them in the Patreon and online; but it feels like it was so long ago since I did the topics. So, I am really happy to be back on track and doing the topics shortly before they come out. Now, there was a time on this podcast when I liked to have a 6-8 week kind of advance in my getting the interviews done, in my production that’s the word (I have a word!). So in my production of the podcast they would usually be 6-8 weeks in advance and I really liked that, and it was really important because I had a lot of guests on the podcast, so it was important to get things lined up. But I am now really, really, enjoying doing these episodes not long before they come out, because I feel like they are really timely for me and it is easier for me to have these conversations and put them out there and then respond to the feedback I get.

So, where did this topic come from? So, I have this note in my Evernote, that is on my podcast topic, so anytime someone writes in, whether it is a friend, or a listener, and says: hey I have an idea for your podcast, I just copy and paste it in there and whenever it feels timely to do, I just do that episode. So, for ages now, I have had this topic, this bullet point on my list, that says:

“The power of vulnerability and not always having to be the strong person, I have been reading Brené Brown.”

Brené Brown is someone who, if you haven’t heard of her, writes a lot about vulnerability. I think she has actually done a TED video talk on that. I am actually going to look that up now so that I can share the link for you in the show notes. Yes, it is a TED talk called: The Power of Vulnerability. She has also written a lot of books that touch on this topic as well. I actually started to read one a few years ago, I couldn’t get into it and I kind of shelved it and it is there in the background, I know I will get back to it at some point but for some reason I couldn’t get into it. But a lot of people are huge fans of Brené Brown and how she talks about vulnerability. So, if you feel drawn to that, check out the show notes, I have got the link in there, and you can look her up on Amazon and find one of her books. So, I have had this topic in there, because I never got into her books, I think it was kind of a topic that I touched on for a while and, I don’t know, do I need to talk about this again? Then, all of a sudden it kind of felt like the right time.

So, let’s talk vulnerability.

First of all, what is it? According to an Internet dictionary it is:

“the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.”

So, I think in this online world that we are all a part of, I think a lot of us think of vulnerability in terms of opening up and really sharing personal stuff, whether it is online, on a podcast, on a blog, on our websites, in a book, if you are a writer; in music, if you are a musician; in a YouTube video; in any of our online or offline content. And, it is a quality that I have been aware of for many years now, in terms of it being an important part of content. It was something that I felt like I wished that I were good at and I think it is something that I developed little-by-little over time without really realising it, without really being conscious of the fact that I was doing it. It was kind of like on some level I set the intention that I wanted to open up and share more of myself and be vulnerable online and in my content. And, I was afraid of it, and I know I did mindset work on it over the years; and at some point, it just kind of happened, I think because the intention was there, and it was something that I knew I wanted to do.

The question is: if we are looking at opening ourselves up to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, or criticised, why would we do that?

So, if you go on Google and do a search as to why vulnerability is important, if you watch Brené Brown’s TED talk, I am sure you will come up with a lot of different responses, but I think, in my opinion, and from my perspective, they all boil down to one thing and that is connection. Because, vulnerability helps us to connect to other people, whether we are being vulnerable in an offline relationship, with friends or family, it helps us form deeper connections with those people. And if we are creating content, and sharing it online, whether it is in a video, a blog post, a book, by opening ourselves up and being vulnerable it is helping us build connections with our readers, with our followers, with our watchers. So, to me, vulnerability is important because it is all about creating connections with people, deepening connections with people, when we open up and we share personal stories it makes it easier for people to connect with us.

I have gotten some really lovely emails lately from people, and Facebook messages, from people who listen to the podcast and I love hearing from listeners. So, if you have ever felt like writing to me, please do, because I love getting your feedback. Even if you don’t have an idea for a podcast topic and you just want to say: Hey, I liked this episode. That’s really useful to me. I love hearing it because it makes me feel good, but it is also really useful because I know the stuff people like, otherwise it is just a bunch of download numbers in my Libsyn account, I like to hear from listeners. So someone sent me an email a couple of weeks ago, it was probably last month I think, and said, this is kind of an abbreviated version of the email:

“I just wanted to send my appreciation, I have been following your podcast for a while, and I really love the new direction that you are taking. I really resonate with the stories and podcast topics, of all my podcasts yours is the only one that I am always up-to-date on and anxiously awaiting the next release.”

So, I wrote back to this person and thanked her for sending an email and it has been on my mind ever since, because, first of all I love hearing that someone is anxiously awaiting the release of my Podcast episodes! Because it makes me realise that the work that I am doing is valuable and people like it and they look forward to hearing it. Now I know that, because I do hear from people, but I like continuing to hear from people, because it just reminds me that the work that I am doing is important and it is serving a purpose of helping people. But, why does this person really resonate with my stories and podcast topics? I personally think it is because I am opening myself up more and more and I am being more and more vulnerable on this podcast, in my books. And that’s what connects with people and that’s what helps people get to know me and like me I guess, if you are still listening to this podcast (if you didn’t like me you probably wouldn’t be listening to it…) and, trust my advice and my opinions and my perspective. And no matter what it is that you do, whether or not you are a business owner or a content creator, if you are doing stuff online, or doing stuff offline, it is this willingness to open up and share and be vulnerable that helps create the connections with people that you are going to need, if you want people to buy you products or services; read more of your books; watch more of your videos; read your blog posts; whatever it is that you do. Even if you don’t do any of those things, you probably have a job, or you do something in the world where other human beings are involved and where you open up and share it helps create stronger connections.

Questions

The questions that always comes up when we talk about vulnerability are: when is it appropriate to share and open up and be vulnerable? How do it? Where do I do it? How do I know how much is too much? And these are all super-valid questions and if you haven’t listened to episode 161 with Alison Byrd, where she talks about vulnerability can kill your cash flow, do listen to it. I think that’s a really good one where she shares some ‘dos and don’ts’ and when it is okay to share what. And to distil that down into kind of a simple concept, one of the things that she was saying is: if you are going through something big and emotional don’t share about it when you are in the middle of it. When the crap is happening and you feel like shit, and you don’t know what to do about it and you are feeling lost and confused, that’s not necessarily the time to share about it. The time that is useful to share about it, is when you have come out the other side and you have got the learnings from that experience. So you know what you have learned from it, and you know what it has given you and you know how it has changed your life and you can share that with other people in the sense of not just: I have been through this crap, but in the sense of: I have been through this crap, here is what I have learned from it, here is what you can learn from it and hopefully avoid a similar situation in your life, or here is what you can learn from it if you are currently going through a similar situation in your life.

So, when you have gone through the crap and you are out on the other side, that seems to be a much more appropriate place to open up and share. Unless your thing is all about being in the moment, I some time ago interviewed Shelby Forsythia who has a podcast about grief and we talked about grief and she was absolutely wonderful on the show, I will link to that in the show notes as well. I was a guest on her podcast, I listen to her podcast from time to time and I remember at one point, and I will look for this episode and share it with you, she did an episode called: This is what grief looks like. So, her thing is grief, so it made sense for her to share a very teary episode where she was in the middle of it. If something like grief, or intense emotion, is your business thing, or your blog thing, or your content thing, or whatever, then it makes sense for you to share when you are a blubbering mess in the middle of your emotion, that is your thing. So, that was a really short episode if I remember correctly and I will look for that, share it in the show notes and listen to it, because that kind of thing is super-appropriate for her. Yes, she could also come out from the others side and do an episode from it and that would also be appropriate, but because grief is her thing, it is appropriate for her to share when she is in the middle of the grief, even if it is not pretty, even if there are no learnings from it in the moment, it is useful for her and for her audience to have her do an episode like that that is so emotionally charged.

So, how to do it?

For me, opening up more and being more vulnerable, has come in the form of telling stories, I think I have told a lot of stories here that have been really personal, and things that I haven’t always felt comfortable sharing in other places. So my advice would be to start with baby steps, start with where you feel safe. So maybe make a list of where it feels safe to share, so for me, my podcast is safe, my Facebook group when I had it was safe, my Patreon is safe, for different reasons. So, my Facebook group, or my ex-Facebook group, and my Patreon are closed communities. Some people choose to be in there, on Patreon you pay to be there, these are people who know me, and I know who they are, and so it is kind of a closed community that felt really safe. The podcast is not a closed community, anyone could subscribe to this podcast, anyone could listen to it, but it is kind of a big investment of time to listen to a podcast. Each episode is at least half-an-hour long and the fact that people are subscribed and listening to it, means that they want to be here, you wouldn’t listen to this if you didn’t want to be here, if you didn’t want to listen to it, if you didn’t want to hear what I have to say. So, the podcast is not a closed community, but it feels like a safe community because people have already opted-out for the most part if they know that my thing is not for them. To me a blog, my blog, would be more open, again, you wouldn’t be reading my blog if you didn’t like me, of course you could arrive there through a Google search that triggered some key words that were on my blog, but it is still kind of: you are probably going to be there if you know me.

What feels less safe for me, in terms of places to open up and be vulnerable: YouTube, for sure, because I feel like that can be a very toxic audience sometimes and my books because those are much wider audiences. My books go on Amazon, and other online retailers, and any old person can buy them, especially my e-books are very reasonably priced on purpose and that means that I have opened up to people who are willing to just take a risk on a book and you know, even if they don’t know me. So, those areas feel less safe and I think I have been less open and vulnerable on YouTube for that reason. I have tried to be more open and vulnerable in my books, to the point where it really scares the crap out of me sometimes. I still get very uncomfortable about all of my walking books, especially the first one, and the first one, interestingly, is the biggest seller because it is the most well-known trail, which is the one about the South Downs Wey. So, in those walking books I share the reality of what it was like for me to walk a trail and, especially in the beginning, it was really hard for me. I kind of oh I kind of cringe a little bit about people who don’t know me reading those books and while I have received really good feedback from people, I don’t know who have read those books and have emailed me to let me know what they think, or to thank me for sharing my experience, it still feels really uncomfortable for me to put that out there, because I was really open and unfiltered and vulnerable in those books. And I am aware that most people who write books about walking long trails are probably much more physically fit than I am, or have had less of a rough experience, or have chosen not to share those details in their books. Because I read a lot of walking books and I see there is not as much kind of blood and tears as there were, especially my first book.

So, that’s kind of my scope of what feels safe and what feels less safe. However, I have chosen to open up on certain forums that feel less safe, such as my books, because it is important for me to connect with my readers and I want my readers to connect with me and I want them to know my truth of my experiences. I perhaps haven’t opened up as much as I would have liked to in my business mindset books but there were some personal business stories in there. This upcoming tree book is a book that feels really, really, vulnerable to me, because that’s where I am talking about channelling trees, talking to trees, doing something that, I know that I am not the only person in the world that talks to trees, and hears them talk back, lots of people do, I know people that do, but it is not a mainstream thing. I know this is not going to be a mainstream book, but my intention is to get it out to a much wider audience.

So, again, going back to my original question: how to do it and when to do it?

Start with baby steps, figure out what feels safe to you and do a little bit of it, share some stories. If you are blogger, share some personal stories on the blog that are related to the topic of your blog. Try it on YouTube, if you want to; don’t do it there if it is too scary for you. Do it in your books, pick a content type and a location and start small, start with baby steps and do it, do it, do it, because it is like a muscle it grows with practice and it gets easier with practice. I don’t think twice about telling personal stories and stuff that is very uncomfortable for me here on the podcast, because I now feel safe here and I feel safe telling stories here.

Even though I get uncomfortable thinking about some of the stuff that I shared in my books, I am going to keep sharing personal stuff in my books, because that is kind of the point for me of writing these books, helping to connect with readers through these stories. So, start small, start where it feels safe and practice and grow from there, because I feel like opening up in this way is like a muscle, it grows with practice, it gets easier and the more you do it the more connections you will make with people. Again, no matter what it is that you do, whether you are a blogger, whether you are a YouTuber, whether you have a business that uses these channels to create content, or whether you are a person with a job, and you want to connect with people more at work. Now, that’s really tricky, you probably don’t want to get too personal at work, because there is kind of a professional boundary there, that is really important to keep, but you could share examples of where you have tried stuff and it didn’t work in a previous job, or in a previous business, and use that as an example of why you think that things need to be done in a certain way. You might not necessary want to share a very personal story about your home or family life but sharing your professional stories can help you to create connections with people.

So, play around with it, again see what works for you, and grow that vulnerability muscle. And please feel free to let me know how that goes for you and if you have any questions about, I don’t know what a specific story would be useful to share or is it appropriate or inappropriate feel free to drop me an email about what you are thinking about sharing, I am happy to read through it, assuming it is not too long, and give you some feedback. Because, I think twice before sharing stuff, I always map out these podcast episodes before I record them, and I think about certain things and stories that are part of my life and relevant to the episodes and I think of the bullet points and I think about what to include before I do this. So it is not like I pop on here and spontaneously blab my personal life and business life and professional life to you, I think about what I am doing before I do it. I make a conscious decision what students I am going to share and what stories I am not going to share and there you go. It is absolutely something that you can add to your business, add to your content, add to your creativity, by planning in advance and thinking about what you are willing and not willing to share and kind of stepping out of your comfort zone, little by little and building that vulnerability muscle.

So, again drop me a line and let me know what you thought of this episode, I would love to hear from you, I love your feedback! My email is: [email protected] or you can find me online and get in touch there.

Finally, as always, I would love for you to join me on Patreon. If you head to http://patreon.com/hollyworton you can join me there. Membership starts at just $1 a month and you will get exclusive access to content I don’t share anywhere else, including a monthly Q and A. As always, I would like to welcome new member: Mary Madison Haskin, who actually joined last month, but I had already done all of the podcast episode so I couldn’t welcome her in that episode.

Thank you, if you enjoyed this episode please subscribe and remember to visit:: https://www.hollyworton.com/291 for the show notes on this episode, thank you so, so, much.