306 Holly Worton ~ How To Create New Habits That Last

Today’s Guest

Table of Contents

I’m back again, with another solo episode! This week’s episode was inspired by a listener, who asked me to speak about how to create habits that last. I think this is something that I’m pretty good at…when the new habit is something that’s really important to me. In this episode, I share tips on creating habits, but most importantly I share questions you need to ask yourself BEFORE committing to a new habit.

Listen To This Episode

What You’ll Learn

The questions you need to ask BEFORE committing to a new habit
How to get super specific about what this new habit will look like
Why it can be helpful to start small and uplevel later
Why it’s so important to select ONE new habit to implement + commit to ONE THING
Why it needs to be non-negotiable, no exceptions
How to get accountability for your habit (both people + apps)
How to keep track and have mini celebrations
What to do if you struggle
How to celebrate + reward yourself (and what you need to pay attention so the reward doesn’t sabotage your habit)

Questions to Ask

Is this new habit a should or a want?
Why is this important to you?
How important is it to you, from 1-10?
What is the new habit, when will you do it, and how often will you do it?
Is this reasonable/doable/achievable?
How does it fit into your current lifestyle/schedule?
How can you simplify it? Does it have different levels? Can you adjust the frequency?
If you struggle: reevaluate your habit. Is it still important to you? What can you change? How can you do it differently? Can you simplify it?

Things I Discussed

Connect With Holly

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Transcript

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Holly: Hello and welcome to the Into the Woods podcast, episode 306. This is your host Holly Worton and I am back with another solo episode. Today I am going to talk about a topic that was requested by a listener, it is all about how to create new habits that stick. I know a lot of people really struggle with this and I feel like this is something that I am pretty good at when the new habit is something that is really important to me. So in this episode I share tips of creating habits but most importantly I share questions that I think you need to ask yourself before committing to a new habit.

So, what are you going to lean today? Questions you need to ask yourself before you get into a habit, they are really specific; and I also have questions for you on how to really make the new habit specific. So, rather than being really vague with it, what are all the little details that you need to take into consideration? I also talk about why you really need to commit to it to make it non-negotiable; I talk about how to commit to it; how to make sure that it happens; how to make sure that you stick to it and it becomes a habit rather than just this thing that you have tried but didn’t manage to make stick.

So, before we get to today’s episode, I wanted to thank everyone who has filled out the survey and, if you haven’t yet, I would really, really, love for you to do so, if you go to: http://HollyWorton.com/survey you can find it there. Basically it is just some simple questions on what you want me to talk about, how do you want to hear from me, that would make it really, really, easy for me to produce the things that you want to know about. As you know I love, love, love, when people send me topics for things, whether it is for a blogpost, whether it is for a book idea, whether it is for a podcast. So, if there is something that I haven’t talked about yet, that you would like to hear me talk about, please let me know, you can drop me a line at: [email protected] or you could fill out the survey which is: http://HollyWorton.com/survey and that will redirect you to the survey.

So, let’s get into this episode: habits, what are they? So, a habit is a routine behaviour that we tend to do automatically because it is embedded into our subconscious. So, I have talked a lot about the subconscious mind, and subconscious beliefs, and a habit is an activity, an action, a routine behaviour, that we repeat on a regular basis because it is embedded in our subconscious; it is something that occurs subconsciously: we have done it so many times it has become a habit, so, that’s what a habit is. And a lot of people I think really struggle with this and I think one of the most, probably one of the biggest reasons why people struggle with this is because perhaps habit isn’t necessarily something that they want, but perhaps it is something that they think they should do, because someone said: oh you should do this or you should do that. And so they think: oh I guess I should and they take on this habit as a should and not as a want.

So, is this habit something that you really, really, want to cultivate for yourself? This is a really important question for you tot be asking yourself: do you really, really, want to cultivate this habit? Is it worth your time, your energy, your focus? Do you really, really, want it? And why do you want it? Know your why, why is this habit important to you. Why is investing time, energy and focus on this habit important to you? Why, why do you want it? And how important is it to you? On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is low and 10 is high, how important is this habit to you? Is it a 10? Is it something you really want, it is super, super, important? Or is it kind of like: it would be nice to have? Because if it is something that you really, really, want, then you are more likely to make it happen, you are more likely to do the stuff to make it happen but if the habit is like: that would be nice to have, then that’s not really high priority; it is not really that important to you and you are probably not going to do what it takes to make it happen.

In episode 304 I talked about how to prioritise when you can’t do it all; so if this new habit is like, ‘oh that would be nice…’, then it is probably not going to be high enough priority to make it into your calendar and actually become a habit, because you have got to do something you have got to repeat something many, many times, before it becomes a habit and I think this is a really important thing to call out. So, I remember years ago when I was doing an open water scuba diving certification, and they were really, really, big on making us do stuff over and over and over again until it became a habit, until it became subconscious, so that when we were underwater — human beings aren’t designed to swim underwater! — so when we were in the ocean with a tank on our banks, which is potentially a dangerous situation, so many things could go wrong. If something did go wrong we would unconsciously, subconsciously, be able to take the action we needed to take to be safe and get above water and breathing. So, they really based that on science, however the science is really hazy on this, some people say and some studies say that it can take 21 days of doing something before it becomes a habit; other studies say it takes 66 days; other studies say it takes two months. One study which I think is probably the most accurate, because I think really varies for different people, this one study says that it takes between 18 and 254 days of repeating something before it becomes a habit.

So different habits are going to be easier for you to pick up than others; different habits are going to take more repetition for you than others; and a particular habit might take you longer time or less time than you friend, or colleague, or other person to become a habit. I think the thing I am saying here is that there no hard and fast rules, some things are going to be easier than others, and some things are going to be easier for you than there are with other people. Some habits are going to be more challenging for you than they are for other people. Don’t go into this thinking: all I need to do is repeat this for x number of days and then I am set, you don’t know, it might take you 18 days, it might take you 254 days, or anywhere in between; or more, or less, who knows? So don’t pay attention to that stuff, except to know that you are going to have to repeat this thing many, many times, before it becomes a habit. So that’s why it is so important to really want this, that it is something that you want rather than something you think you should have, or you should be doing, and that you know how important it is to you, because you are going to be investing time and energy and focus on it. If it not that important then devote your time to do something else. So, do you really, really, want it?

Assuming that you do really, really, want it the next step, in my opinion, is to be super-specific about what you want: what is this new habit? When will you do it? How often will you do it? So, for example, last September, I started intermittent fasting. I had tried intermittent fasting before, it did not go well for me, I hated it, I decided I wasn’t good at fasting and then last year I decided I was going to pick it up again and try it again. I am really good with doing the same thing everyday, so when I first tried intermittent fasting I tried a completely different kind, one that was called 2:5, so where five days you do one thing and two days you do another thing and it really didn’t work for me for a variety of reasons. One thing that I really liked about what I did in September was I started one meal a day, so I fast for 22-23 hours and then I eat one big meal a day. So, I do that every single day. Now sometimes on the weekends, or if I go out with friends, I might shift that up a little bit, I am more flexible with this now, but in the beginning, I was super, super, careful. I downloaded an app onto my phone, I tracked when I started the fast, I tracked when I ended the fast, I made sure that I wasn’t ending the fast, even if it was just a handful of minutes, I would sit and wait with the food in front of me until my fast was up and then I would eat. So I was very specific about what I wanted, what was the new habit? It was intermittent fasting, specifically OMAD or one meal a day; when was I going to do it? every single day. How often would I do it? every single day and I would break my fast at dinner time after at least 22 hours of fasting, so I was super specific.

With my kick boxing training so I am preparing for my summer course, which is my next grading, I have been running twice a week, same thing, be specific about what you want. I was going to do the run up to Box Hill two days a week, very specific route, two days a week, and every week until my summer course and then quite running again like I always do because I was doing it to specifically train for something. So, be specific about what you want; what is the new habit? when are you going to do it? How often will you do it? The next question that you need to ask yourself: is this reasonable? Is it do-able? Is it achievable? So, if you are familiar with SMART goals you have probably heard of the specific, measurable, achievable, time-bound, (I can’t remember what the r is!). It is very important to make sure that this habit is achievable to you: how does it fit into your current lifestyle or schedule? Can you fit it into your current lifestyle or schedule? If you can’t then it is not going to be very achievable. So one thing is very different to say: I am going to run two days a week, I can totally fit that into my calendar and I know that because I time-blocked it, when I set this goal for myself I was like: okay, how many days a week can I run? Can I do three days a week? No I can’t do three weeks a week because it just doesn’t fit, so what I ended up doing was time blocking into my schedule for four days a week, even though I know that’s not going to happen, because sometimes I can do it on the weekend, so I blocked out Saturday and Sunday, and most weekends I am doing something so I can’t. So. I blocked Tuesday’s, Wednesday’s, which are the days I don’t normally go to kickboxing, because I don’t want to do both things in one day.

So, I have got Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday and Sunday and at the start of the week I look through my calendar, I review what I have got going on, drag and drop stuff and delete stuff that I know I can’t do. So, this week, for example, yesterday was Bank Holiday Monday so there was no kickboxing, so that means that when I looked at my calendar I looked at the time that I had blocked out in the calendar for my kickboxing this morning and I dragged it to yesterday so I did my run yesterday and I am going to do it tomorrow. This weekend, I have an outdoor first aid course, so I cant get in any extra runs on the weekend because I am going to be actually up on Box Hill both Saturday and Sunday but I am not going to run there because I have an outdoor first aid course which is very long.

I hope that gives you an idea of how I am fitting this into my schedule. Other weekends I am away so I make sure I do the run during the week and that is vital to actually making it happen so again, is the habit: doable, achievable and how do you know that? By looking at how it fits into your current lifestyle or schedule. Time blocking I talk about it all the time and that is because it makes life so much easier. I am a super-visual person, Google calendar helps me run my life and that’s how I see how I can fit stuff into my current lifestyle and schedule.

So, next question: start small. So how can you simplify this habit? I think if you make it as simple as possible then it is going to be easier for you to make it a habit. It is going to be easier for you to commit to it, it is going to be easier for you to take the action, it is going to be easier for you to make it unconscious. So, does this habit have different levels? Can you adjust the frequency, like I said, running, it would be great if I could do it three times a week but I can’t most weeks, so I have committed to two days a week. It is in my calendar four days a week, so that if I can do it three days a week then I will. I can’t remember the last time that happened, I think I have been doing it two days a week since I started because that’s what’s reasonable, doable and achievable for me. So, again, I would have liked to do it three days a week but I can’t because it doesn’t fit so I am doing it twice.

So, how can you simplify it? If you see that this new habit doesn’t fit into you calendar the way that you want it to, then does it have a different level? Can you tone it down a bit? Can you do it for a shorter time? For me it is really important to do the specific run because it is the very specific run that we are probably going to be doing on the summer course, but if I weren’t training for this particular course, if I just wanted to get in running I could simplify it by doing a shorter run, I could run somewhere else, I could have a shorter warm up and cool down, I could adjust the frequency. So start small and think about how you can simplify this habit, and once you have created this habit, once you have seen that you can do this and it has become a habit, it has become unconscious, you can move it up to the next level. So you could do a longer run, you could do more frequent runs, you could do whatever, you can up-level it to the next level. But start small and keep it simple because it is easier to start small or with something that is really, really, targeted and focused and then grow it later, increase it later, to the new level, rather than starting big. That’s what works for me, maybe something else works for you, maybe it helps you to set super-huge goals and targets for your habits and force yourself to stick to them. I don’t know, everyone is different.

So next thing, select one new habit to implement, commit to one thing. This is really important because it is so much easier to make lifestyle changes I you are making them one at a time. If you want to lose weight don’t start a new diet of way of eating and commit to exercising. Most diet programs if you are one of those people who pays for a program they usually say don’t exercise, or don’t worry about exercise, because you are paying for their program and they want you to commit to the diet food part of the weight loss. The same thing goes for anything, commit to one thing, make one lifestyle change, commit to it, make it a habit and then add something else. I used to have this friend who would every once in a while commit to a 1000 new things at once, she would be like: I am going to go vegan; and I am I going to quit sugar; and I am going to exercise five days a week; and I am going to do that and it would be like she would have this whole shopping list of new lifestyle changes and she would get so excited about them because they were all things that were really important to her. But she would try to implement them all at once and then fail terribly because it was so much. So, if you have a bunch of new habits that you want to implement, so say you want to quit sugar and you want to go vegetarian and you want to exercise five days a week; so you have got these three things that you really want to do and you want to say write a book for say half-an-hour every morning. What is most important to you, pick one thing, what is the most important out of those? They are all important. Sit down and prioritise, rank them, so if you have four things, rank them 1,2,3,4, which one is most important, pick that and get started. Commit to one thing and I know that is hard because a lot of us want to change our lives, we want to make so many changes, but I you have had problems committing to things in the past, if you have had problems implementing habits, this advice is for you: pick one thing and commit to it, that doesn’t mean that you are never going to do the other things, just means that you are going to start with this one thing.

Next, you are going to really commit to the new habit, make it non-negotiable, and don’t make exceptions. So, years ago, when I first started running, I really committed to it, it was non-negotiable, it happened I don’t know, I think I was running fours days a week, four days a week and I had a very specific training plan, because I was training for a marathon, and there were no exceptions, like I did it and I did it. If I was going to run 20 minutes, I ran 20 minutes if I was going to run 40 minutes, I ran 40 minutes. If I was going to run an hour, I ran for an hour, it was non-negotiable, I did it no matter how hard it was. Until this one day, I don’t know what happened I think it was a mindset problem, this one day it was hard and it was hot and I was just not having a good day so I gave myself permission to make the exception and I didn’t complete my time and from then on out it was just a shit-show, I found it really hard to commit to it. This was actually after I ran my marathon, which if you have read my book on the South Downs Wey, you will know I didn’t complete, again mindset problems, I know this now. I set out to do this thing and didn’t do it, and that, it was like giving myself permission to make the exception, it meant that I had loads of exceptions. Now of course with an example like running there are going to be times when you shouldn’t be pushing yourself because you might end up getting an injury, but there are times when it is our mind crap getting in the way. You have heard me talk about mindset enough that you probably know when it is your mind gremlins that are telling you to make your exceptions and quit but pay attention, pay attention to what is going on in your head. Because again there is another time, years ago, when I had committed to the run but I was really exhausted, I slept in late, I got up to do the run, I forced myself to do the run, I felt like shit and I was really upset myself for not getting up early and doing the run when it was cool in the morning, because it was hot, the sun was out and it was horrible and hard going and I was beating myself up and my mindset was so bad that I tripped on a rock and fell down and ended up in the hospital with stitches. So, pay attention to your mind stuff, it is really important, I know those are all running examples. I actually made a list of my habits and things so that wouldn’t use all the same examples, but I think that ruling is a really good one because, I for one, I love running when I am doing it. I find it really hard to drag myself out of the house and actually go running. No matter how much I know how good it is going to feel during and after it is so hard to drag myself out of the house, and so that is why it has to be super non-negotiable for me, except when I end up with stitches.

So, next, commit to an easy goal to start so maybe commit to one week and then once you have done that week commit to the second week, then commit to a month, then commit to thee months, this may or may not work for you. I find this really easy, just commit to one week, if you are the kind of person who really struggles with making habits then commit to one week, because it is easy to commit to seven days. So say you want to floss your teeth every day, maybe you have been really lazy wit flossing your teeth, you do it every once in a while but you want to do it every day, commit to one week, because it is so much easier to commit to seven days of doing something rather than: from now until the rest of my life, I am going to floss my teeth. Yeah you should, but if you have had problems with that commit to every day for a week. Same goes for writing, I don’t write like this but a lot of people do, a lot of people will commit to a half-an-hour in the morning, this is standard advice to people who work a full-time job but want to become a writer, the writing experts always say: set your alarm an hour early and write for an hour in the morning before you go to work. I don’t like writing in little chunks, but a lot of people do. So if you are going to commit to writing say an hour a day, every single day, commit to one week, see how it goes. Once you have committed to that commit to a second day, commit to a month, but make it an easy day, because I think it can be really daunting to be like: from now until the end of eternity, every single day I will do this thing, that’s really big, it just feels so heavy, so committing to a week might make that easier to you.

Next, tell someone, get accountability, either get an app, and I am going to link in the show notes on the best habit tracking apps with an update for 2019 and that worked for me, using a fasting app really made it easy for me to add fasting to m life. There are other apps that are designed for all kinds of habits, or tell someone, tell your partner, tell your friend, tell someone who wants to do the same thing as you for accountability and like I said time block it into your calendar to make sure that it happens. If you are the kind of person who uses a lot of notifications on your calendar or on your phone do those, set up an alarm, set up notifications to remind yourself to do this thing, do whatever you need to make it happen but if you use an online calendar and even if you use a printed planner block it in there to make sure it happens.

Next, one thing that I used to do and I used to love this, and I haven’t done it in year, because I don’t use a wall calendar anymore but when I did I put stars in the calendar, like a mini-celebration. So I would have one star for going to the gym, one star for writing a blog post, back when I first started blogging; one star for…I don’t know other stuff that I was keeping track of, and I had different coloured stars for different things and I loved looking at my calendar on the wall with all the stars, it made me look like a super-achiever! I loved it! So, stars on the calendar, do whatever you need to do to keep track and have a little mini-celebration, I really liked the calendar stars.

So next, what to do if you struggle? So if you are really struggling to implement this habit, re-evaluate your habit. Go back to the start and ask yourself those questions: is this important to you? Is this habit really, really, important to you or is it something that you feel you should be doing? Do you really, really, want. It? And how badly do you want it? Home much do you want it on a scale of 1-10? Now, if it is still important to you, how can you change it? How can you readjust this habit so it is easier for you? Can you simplify it? Can you adjust the frequency? Can you adjust how long it takes you to do this thing? How can you do it differently? Take fasting, one meal a day really works for me, but if it hadn’t there are a ton of other ways that you can fast, you can do18:6 , you can do 16:8, so the bigger number is the number of hours you are fasting a day, the smaller number is the window in which you are wasting. I could fast just every other day and on other days just eat normally, I could do so many different things. With running, I have already given you a bunch of ideas on how you can adjust a run. A morning routine, I have a morning routine that I do every day, but lately I haven’t done it every day because a other things have been more important such as the run, I don’t have time in the morning to do my morning routine and do a run, right now, until the end of June, when I have my summer course, the run is more important, so that means the morning routine doesn’t happen every day. But after June, it will go back to every day.

Emails first, so that is another thing that I have really changed in my calendar, I have started my work day responding to emails, I get them out of the way and then I move onto other things and get my important tasks and projects and activities done.

Habits, maybe you are the kind of person who spends a lot of time on your phone so you want to spend less time on your phone. I do not sleep with my phone in my bedroom, I plug it in before I go to bed and I don’t look at it until after my morning routine is done and I am starting my work day. Also, with iPhones I know now that you can create downtime for your phone, so my active times for my phone are my work hours and then my phone and everything, it dims your apps when you are in the downtime mode and you can override those if you actually need to do something but outside of work hours the apps are dimmed and I have to make an extra effort to open an app. So that’s something you could do, let’s say you are struggling with that, maybe widen your hours so you have got some leeway between your work time and your downtime, maybe only do it certain days of the week, play with it and see how you can reevaluate your old habit to make it easier for you, it is all about making it easier so you can make it a habit. Once you have made it a habit you can up-level it rather than force yourself to do the big thing from the start, maybe it works for you, maybe it doesn’t, make it easy for you and then up-level.

Next celebrate! Celebrating is super-important, you can have those mini-stars, or you can reward yourself. When I was doing the fasting, I originally started the fasting because I was looking to lose weight, which I did, I had all kinds of goals as I hit certain weights. Make sure that when you are rewarding yourself, pay attention to your reward so that you don’t sabotage your habit. So my rewards were new clothes, new shoes, new stuff. So if your goal is to create a habit of fasting then maybe the best reward is not to eat a ton of food one day because that might throw you off on your fasting the next day, just make sure that the reward doesn’t sabotage your habit. So, for example, if your habit is to run two days a week, or go to the gym two days a week, maybe the habit shouldn’t be taking a week off because that will self-sabotage the work that you have put in. So those are some ideas, but I think it is important to celebrate, I think it is important to reward ourselves, to give ourselves credit for the work that we have put into it. So think about what habits you want to create, do you want to meditate every day; maybe you want to change your way of eating; maybe you want to incorporate a new exercise; maybe you want to have a morning routine, or evening routine, maybe you want to spend more time outdoor in nature. Maybe it is something work-related like one touch emails or doing your emails first or taking a class of some kind or writing or some other kind of creative thing. Maybe you want to start painting again. Or decluttering, I recently decluttered my office, it had gotten really, really bad. It was so bad I could barely work in it, it was so uncomfortable I hated it and I spent three-and-a-half-hours decluttering my office and it feels like a new place. I am super, super, super, happy with it, but it would have been better if I created the habit of it on a weekly or monthly basis, but I hadn’t so maybe that would be the habit for me to create, I would have to evaluate and get it into the calendar to make it happen.

So think about things you may want to do, habits that you might want to create. Maybe sit down with your journal and make a list of all the habits that you would like to create. Then remember start with one, just one!

All right, that is it for today, I hope you found this episode interesting and useful, if you are the kind of person that struggles with habits, let me know how it works for you to implement some of these techniques and tactics into your habit-making enterprises, or if you still have questions or troubles with habit-creating, send me an email: [email protected] or find me online and get in touch. I would love to hear from you, I love getting feedback from people. Finally, I would also love for you to join me on Patreon, if you head to http://Pateon.com/HollyWorton you can join me there; membership starts at just $1 a month and you get exclusive access to stuff I don’t share anywhere else. So, I would love to see you there: http://Patreon.com/HollyWorton and thank you, thank you, thank you, for listening, it means the world to me! Have a great week and happy habit-forming!