335 Holly Worton ~ What Does A Fulfilling Life Look Like To You?

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I’m back again, with another solo episode! Today’s episode is something I’ve touched on in the past, and it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot as I prepare the second editions of my business mindset books. I’m also working on a novel right now that’s essentially a snapshot of my ideal lifestyle (albeit in a different universe and a different century).

I recently saw a post on Reddit that asked “what does a fulfilling life look like to you?” I myself have asked this question a lot in terms of “ideal lifestyle” but somehow hearing this worded in terms of fulfillment made me think about it different. So—what does a fulfilling life look like to you? What does it feel like? This episode will help you explore all the details.

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What You’ll Learn

Why it’s important to ask this question
Why is fulfillment so important
What a fulfilling life looks like to you
How to get started taking steps toward this vision
Things you can do today

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Transcript

The transcript for this episode can also be downloaded here (no opt-in required).

Holly: Hello and welcome to the Into the Woods podcast, episode 335. This is your host Holly Worton and I am back with another solo episode. Today I am going to talk about something that I have touched on in the past in my books, but not necessarily on the podcast. It is something that I have been thinking about a lot as I prepare the second editions of my Business Mindset books. I am also working on a novel right now that is essentially a snapshot of my ideal lifestyle, set in a different universe, in a different century, but there are so many elements of it that coincide with my, kind of, ideal vision and lifestyle for myself.

So, I recently saw a post on Reddit that asked: what does a fulfilling life look like to you? And I will link to that in the show notes because I think that everyones’ answers were really interesting. So I myself have asked this question a lot in terms of: what is your ideal lifestyle? Somehow hearing this worded differently in terms of: what does a fulfilling life look like to you? — made me think about it a little bit differently. So my question to you today is: what does a fulfilling life look like to you? What does it feel like? And I hope that this episode will help you explore all the details.

So what are you going to learn today? I am going to ask, well, I am going to explore, why I think it is so important to ask this question. I am going to talk about why fulfilment is so important, how to figure out what a fulfilling life looks like to you. How to get started taking steps towards this vision and things you can do today, to get started.

So, first of all, why is it so important to ask this question? The thing is, if we don’t ask ourselves these questions, questions like: what is my ideal lifestyle? What does a fulfilling life look like to me? We run the danger of living life on default, we run the risk of drifting through life, letting things happen to us rather than making conscious decisions, to create the life that we want. I never thought about this stuff when I was younger, no one told me to ask myself these questions when I was younger. I didn’t start asking these questions until 10 years ago. So, I spent a lot of time making shitty decisions for myself, and getting myself in a place that was not where I wanted to be. And I have been paying a lot of attention to the kinds of questions that people ask online, partly because I find it really fascinating and partly to get inspiration for podcast topics. But I have been seeing a lot of posts lately about people saying: I have got myself to this point in my life, where I just think, how did I get here? Whose life am I living? And what do I do to get out of this? And that is really sad and I know a lot of people are in that situation. I have been in that situation in the past, where I think: how do I get myself out of this situation? I have this whole life, how do I get out of this? I don’t want to be here. Hopefully, you are not in that situation and to avoid arriving at that situation, we are going to ask this question today. And if you are in that situation I think asking yourself this question will help you get out of where you are and into a more fulfilling and happy life. So it is important to ask yourself the question, “what does a fulfilling life look like to me?”, because ultimately we just want to be happy. We want to live a life that is fulfilling and happy and rewarding. So, if we don’t get clear on what that looks like it is pretty difficult to create a life that feels fulfilling.

So why is fulfilment so important? I mean this is clearly not one of the basic needs in life, you know we need shelter, we need sustenance, we need water but that is just survival, fulfilment is important so that we can live happy lives, so that we are doing more than surviving, we are thriving, mentally, emotionally, physically. It is living a life based on our values, the things that are important to us, doing the things that are important to us, having the experiences that are important to us. It is something that is absolutely attainable. I think there was definitely a point in my life where I thought it was never possible and it absolutely is. And I think there are different levels of fulfilment, as we step closer and closer to our vision of a more fulfilling life that will change and it will expand and we might shift along the way and we might realise that some things we thought would make us feel fulfilled don’t and maybe it is something else — this is a journey. But as we take those steps life gets better and better and more satisfying and more fulfilling — and I am going to say that word a thousand times in this episode.

So, how do you get clear on what fulfilment looks like to you? What it feels like to you? I think going back to some basic coaching like the wheel of life are good places to start, those are kind of the basic categories of life: relationships, what do fulfilling relationships look like to you? And that can be in terms of your family of origin, what does a fulfilling relationship look like with your family of origin? What do fulfilling relationships look like with your chosen family, with your partner? Do you want children? Do you have children? What do fulfilling relationships look like and feel like with your children? If you don’t want children, pets. Or if you want children and pets, what does that look like? What do fulfilling relationships look like in terms of family? What about friends? What do fulfilling friendships look like? What do they feel like? Do you already have fulfilling friendships? Are your friendships in alignment with who you are today? I see a lot of posts online of people saying: is it okay for me to break up with this friendship, or to let go of this friendship, I feel really bad. I think this is really natural. As we grow, and as we change, we will often have different friendships for different phases of our lives and there will be some friendships that, even if they are not as intense as they were they might still be fulfilling.

I continue to be shocked a I kind of get back in touch with people who I haven’t seen for years, like living near London is fantastic because I see lots of friends that I haven’t seen in 20/25 years that are coming through on holiday and we get together. It is shocking to me how many people I still love getting in touch with. People that I haven’t seen since High School who are in town on business and we go out for dinner, or we go out for lunch, and it is just fantastic and we talk for hours, and we could go on talking for hours and it is still really fulfilling even though we are not in touch on a regular basis, I haven’t seen them in 20 plus years but it just feels so good to see them and talk to them.

So what do fulfilling friendships look like to you? It could be people that you are maybe not in touch with all the time, but when you see them it is fantastic, what does that look like to you? A lot of my closest friendships are online friendships. A couple of my really good friends don’t live anywhere near me so I don’t see them that often, but we get in touch on Zoom, or we get in touch on Skype, we have Skype calls or we have a Skype cup of coffee and it is fantastic, so do what works for you. I think for a lot of people it would be weird to not have in real life local friendships. I have really fulfilling friendships that I don’t see that often.

So think about relationships in all aspects of your life, career, business, what does a fulfilling career or business look like to you? What does it feel like? I feel like for the last ten years my business has refined and refined and refined, and it has never felt this good. I am focussing on my writing and it feels good, I am so excited about my plans for 2020. I am working with authors and I love the way that I am working with them and it feels good. It has just never been this good and it has never been this fulfilling and I am really, really happy with it.

Hobbies, how could you feel more fulfilled with your hobbies? I didn’t get outdoors as much as I wanted to this year and I have more plans to do that in my calendar fixed for next year. So I am taking a couple of classes which I mentioned which are going to involve camping and I am really excited about that and that’s going to ensure that I get outside and I go camping and spend time outdoors. And I have got walks planned that I am really excited about, they are in the calendar, I have booked my my flights for my first walk next year in March and I am really excited about that. These are things that are really fulfilling to me, so, I am making sure to put those in my calendar. So what can you do to have fulfilling hobbies and to make sure to get get them in your calendar?

Travel, I am not really into travelling just for the sake of travelling but I like travelling in the sense of walking long distance trails in different parts of the country and, next year, I am actually going out of the country to do some walking. So that’s how I combine travel and hobbies. What about you? Do you like travel? How could you have a fulfilling experience in terms of travel. If you maybe don’t have the budget to travel abroad or travel very far, what can you do to travel within your local area, maybe go to a local town or city and explore. How can you have more fulfilling experiences in your life? And, to me, life is all about experiences. I have got a lot of plans and projects and things in terms of writing and my books, for next year but I realise that I haven a lot of plans for experiences that I want to have. So what are the most fulfilling experiences for you? For me it is outdoors stuff, for me it is walking long distance trails, for me it is doing stuff like kickboxing which I am not great at but I am getting better at and I am advancing. So, what experiences are fulfilling to you and how can you add more of those to your schedule?

What about work-life balance? I think that is a really important part of fulfilment, I think if we have got too much work and business and not enough life that can lead to a lot of un-fulfilment, which is what happened to me in my first business. It was very heavily work, I was going to say balanced, but it was not – weighted towards work and not so much life and that was really, really, stressful and unfulfilling and it lead to burnout. So, if you are in a situation where you are not experiencing work-life balance, what can you do to change that? Do you need to quit your job and find something more balanced? Are you willing to do that? What kind of work-life balance would feel fulfilling, look fulfilling.

What about financial stuff? What kind of financial situation feels or looks fulfilling to you? Is it being free from debt? Is it having a certain amount in savings, investments? What kind of financial situation would you need to feel fulfilled?

What about goals? What kind of goals would make you feel fulfilled if you achieved them? For me I have got a ton of plans next year for books and that is really going to ensure that I focus on my writing, which is something that makes me feel fulfilled. So I am releasing second editions of all of my Business Mindset books and that is actually going really well. I started working on the first two of them, I am releasing a second edition of my South Downs Wey book, I will be working on that in the first quarter of the year. I will be walking two new long-distance trails next year and writing books about them. My goal for that is not to necessarily release those two books next year, but to at least have a first draft done by the end of the year for both of those. So this is a really ambitious plan and in the background I am also working on a novel, which I mentioned in the introduction to this episode. I have no clear plans for this novel because it is the kind of thing that, I have never done it before, I don’t know what the heck I am doing, but it is flowing really beautifully and it feels really good. So, when I am writing it, it just feels so good to be in that world and to be writing those characters. So I don’t know what is going on with that, I write when I am inspired to write and I put it away for a couple of weeks at a time, and then I will pull it out when I am inspired to pull it out and that is what I am doing. So in terms of writing goals that is what feels fulfilling to me, it is really ambitious, I am aware of that and I think it is do-able.

I have talked to you about my other plans for next year in terms of my Druid training, my walks that I have got planned, so that’s my goals, my black belt hopefully next year. Those are my big goals and projects and plans, I have got my clipboard out here with everything printed out. So I am really, really, excited about those things. I have some other small things but those are kind of the major kind of personal goals that I have, and writing goals, for next year.

So what goals would feel fulfilling to you? I know for the longest time my goals were just business based and they were kind of boring, it was mostly financial goals: I want to be making x amount per month from this specific type of work. I don’t know, I just realised that I what I want are experiences and so my goals are so experience-based. My professional goals are very writing-focussed and then my experience goals are very outdoors-focussed. So what is meaningful to you? What would feel fulfilling to you in terms of goals? And not just professional goals but personal goals.

How do you want to make a difference in the world? How could you make a difference in the world that would feel fulfilling to you? So maybe that is working with charities in terms of donating your time or your money? Or maybe you have some creative projects that you would like to take part in, or complete. in order to make a difference in the world. So I really feel like I am helping people through this podcast, through my books and that is how I choose to make a difference in the world with my creative work. Also, I do donate to charities, occasionally I donate to projects and that is what my focus has been in terms of making a difference. I really do feel that my books are my legacy, because they will be around long after I am.

What about personal independence? I think that one of the things people were saying in that Reddit post was: I want to be financially independent, I don’t want to be dependent on anyone else, whether it is a partner or parents. Independence how important is that to you? I think it is probably high up there for a lot of people but I think it is important to be aware of that, what does independence look like to you? And what type of independence do you need to feel, or experience, in order to feel fulfilled in life? And kind of going along with that, privacy, what levels of privacy do you need in your life to feel fulfilled? And on the flip-side of that, community, what kind of community and connections do you need to have in your life in order to be fulfilled or feel like you are living a fulfilled life?

Learning is also really important, so what things do you need to be learning to keep your brain happy and fulfilled. So I have been learning a lot about advertising for authors, I just signed up for an advertising for authors course. I have been reading some books about it and I have been reading some books about writing your book descriptions which is something – copywriting – I need to learn more about. Next year my plant-spirit-healing apprenticeship has an advanced version which I will be participating in and I am really excited to be learning that stuff. I am also hoping to advance in my Druid training, that is also learning, an experiential thing that I am also looking forward to.

So that is my learning stuff, what kinds of stuff do you want to learn and what kind of stuff do you need to learn to feel fulfilled in life? And it is not need to learn in terms of practical stuff, but what types of learning make you feel fulfilled? What are you priorities in life, what things needs to be prioritised so that you can feel fulfilled? And peace of mind, what does peace of mind look like to you? What things need to happen so that you can feel peace of mind? And how does that relate to your sense of fulfilment in life? What does your home need to be like, look like, feel like, sound like, so that you can feel fulfilled? We have been in our home now for eight years, and it is too small for us, but it is also really convenient and comfortable and we need more space but it is still pretty good for so many reasons. It has been so good for so many reasons that we haven’t really looked into moving out, but we will need to and we will want to at some point. So what do we want instead of what we have now? Definitely more space. Definitely, for me, something more rural. The convenience of living in town but I also really, really, want more nature around me. Every time I am recording a podcast and I hear some car, or something backing up on the street, with its beep, beep, beep, I don’t want to have that and I don’t want to hear that. They were cleaning the streets yesterday as I was working and they had the leaf blower going and it was just ahh I don’t want to hear a leaf blower. So little things like that I would not have if I lived in a smaller, more rural, location.

Health, what does a healthy life look like and feel like? What would your health need to look like, be like, feel like, in order for you to feel fulfilled in life? The healthy lifestyle could be the food that you eat, the health problems that you have or don’t have. What your body looks like, how it performs. What does your health need to look like, feel like, be like, in order for you to feel fulfilled?

Purpose, a sense of purpose, when we are doing purposeful things and we are living our purpose we often feel fulfilled, so what does that look like for you?

Spirituality, this may or may not be important to you but, if it is, what does your spiritual lifestyle need to look like, be like, feel like, in order for you to feel fulfilled in a spiritual sense? So for me this is working through my Druid training, this is having my ceremonies, going to the winter gathering, the summer gathering, this is spending time outdoors, this is walking the long distance trails, all of this stuff makes me feel spiritually fulfilled.

Then there are little things in life, I don’t know they probably don’t even have any categories. What are the little things in life that you can do, be, have, experience, that will make you feel fulfilled? So maybe it is getting up to see the sunrise, maybe it is looking at the sunset, I don’t know maybe it is having a cup of tea in your garden in the mornings. I don’t know, what are the little things that you can do that will make your life feel fulfilled?

So I hope these questions have been useful in terms of helping you get your vision of what a fulfilling life looks like to you. You might want to listen to this again and take notes.

The next question is: how can you get started towards this vision? So I would say take notes on all of your answers, and then go back, maybe leave spaces on the page as you are writing this down so that you can maybe go back with another coloured pen, and write down: what do I need to do to take steps towards making this vision a reality? For me, what are my things that I need to do?

I need to book a Workcation Weekend at least once a month so I can work on my books, because I have this really ambitious publishing schedule for next year. So, this month, I have actually done two Workcations so far and that has been, I have never done that before, I have never done two in one month, but I had the space in my weekends and I had the time and I had the money and I wanted to get a head-start on my schedule. So that’s that.

For my walks I needed to book them into my calendar first of all and then for the first one, in March, I needed to book the flights and I have already done that. For my blackbelt, I need to figure out whether I am going to do that for the summer course or the winter course, I really want to do that on the summer course. Part of that is that I need to fight in a tournament. I have got that in my calendar as well, in April, not really looking forward to that but it will be a learning experience and it will be a stretch outside of my comfort zone. So, I have got that booked into my calendar. I can’t book onto the tournament yet so I will do that in January, when it opens up. Other stuff, it is mostly just booking the time to write my books and booking time in my calendar to work on my Druid training and then actually doing all this stuff. So that’s what I need to do.

So that kind of thing, so go through your list of what a fulfilling life looks like to you and figure out the actions you need to take. Also, let’s go back and look, the learning stuff, I booked onto those two courses with the woodcraft school next year which I am really looking forward to, I had to find those courses and book onto them. I actually have an Evernote file of all the different courses and workshops and things that I want to take. I started putting links to them in there because I don’t have enough time to do all the courses that I want to do and there is a lot of stuff that I am really excited about. So I have booked what I have time for into next year’s calendar and then when we get ready for 2021 then I I’ll go through my list and see what I want to take the following year. So that could be really useful to you. And also if you don’t have the money now, or if you don’t have the time, use Evernote, or use another system or a file on your computer to drop links of all the stuff that you want to do, experience. Hobbies, maybe there is gear that you need to buy for your hobbies, create a file for that and then just start working towards the stuff, or see if you can buy the stuff used, if you don’t have the money, or borrow it, oftentimes you can borrow stuff from people.

And then just make lists of all the little steps that you can take to take you towards this vision and then pick one thing that you can do today, the easiest thing, the littlest thing, the most exciting thing, whatever, and do that today. If it is late in the evening when you are listening to this then something that you can do tomorrow but take action today and then keep taking action, keep taking steps towards this vision of creating your fulfilling life. And then go to the link that I am going to provide in the show notes of the original post that inspired this and see what other people say. A lot of them were very general but they may help you get ideas for yourself.

So, as always, I hope you found this episode interesting and useful, please drop me a line and let me know what you thought of it, you can email me at: [email protected] or find me online and get in touch. I would also love for you to support me on Patreon if you find this podcast interesting and useful, you can head over to http://Patreon.com/HollyWorton and join me there. It starts at just $1 a month and you can get exclusive access to content I don’t share anywhere else. Depending on what tier you sign up at, you can also get free copies of all my eBooks. So it is http://Patreon.com/HollyWorton.

Thank you so much for listening and if you enjoy this episode please subscribe if you haven’t already, that will mean that you will get the episodes in whatever app that you use to listen to podcasts automatically.

Next week’s episode is a co-hosted episode with the fabulous Joanna Hennon. We talk about, I think this is really interesting, we ask the question: can you be addicted to healing and personal development? So we talk about why healing and spiritual stuff can sometimes be an escape from physical reality. We ask the question: is learning and growth really the goal of life or can we have other reasons for being here? We explored the fact that personal development culture feeds into the idea that there is something wrong with you when really there is not. We explore why personal growth satisfies our need for control. We also look at why healing can be a distraction from action. We also look at: how to know when it is too much, when your personal growth is actually a problem. We ask the question, is there always something more to heal? We look at what to do when you have been peeling your onion layers but the onion feels infinite – I have been there lately. We look at what to do if you don’t feel like you have been addicted to healing but maybe you want to consider whether or not you might be. We ask about what are, what about all the people who have good lives and don’t do any personal development at all, how does that happen? We look at how personal development can sometimes be used as a crutch. We also ask the question why is it a problem to be addicted to healing, isn’t healing good? And finally, we explore how to find the happy medium between addiction to personal development and doing nothing at all.

So I hope you tune in next week for that episode, that will be the last episode of the year. So, I hope you have a fantastic holiday season, if you celebrate holidays at this time of the year, if not, enjoy the time off, if you get time off. And have a great rest of the year and remember to visit https://www.hollyworton.com/335 for the show notes on this episode.