267: Joanna Hennon + Holly ~ What to Do When You Don’t Get What You Want

Today’s Guest

Table of Contents

Joanna Hennon is back! We only missed one episode together, but it feels like forever! Today’s episode is a follow up to episode 253: Joanna Hennon + Holly ~ How to Get What You Really, Really Want… When Wanting Isn’t Enough. In that episode, Joanna and I talked about our plans to move home, and how we planned to manifest our dream houses. Now we’re back, talking about what to do when you don’t get what you want, how you want, where you want, and when you want. This episode really is A Tale of Two Houses.

More About Joanna Hennon

Joanna is a #SoulSmart Success Mentor – she helps people to easily create more success by using the wisdom and power we all have access to at soul level. Living life from a place of soul power, in tune with your higher self and your Guides, and using the Law of Attraction with intention will literally change your life! To get started, grab one of these free resources.

Listen to this episode

What You’ll Learn

How to handle it when things don’t go your way
What to do when you “fail” at manifesting
Why just because you’re aligned doesn’t mean it’s going to happen how and when you want it to
Why you need to be really honest with yourself about the details
How to know if you’re tricking yourself into thinking it’s perfect when it’s really not
Why we sometimes limit ourselves and we don’t go for what we really want
Can it actually work if the process is misaligned? And is it guaranteed to work if you are aligned?
Why we don’t always get what we want, when we want
Why we sometimes get attached to a specific outcome, and what we need to do instead
Why you need to stay in the open space: don’t give up; stay open to letting it in
Why we need to accept the worst case scenario as a possibility
Why the mantra “Everything always works out perfectly for us” has to be part of the perfect plan
How to avoid going into failure mode and blaming yourself and feeling sorry for yourself – and what to do instead
The difference between blaming yourself and taking responsibility – and why self reflection is important
Finally, things you can actually do when you don’t get what you want

Questions to Ask Yourself

Is it exactly right for you? Is it just what you want?
Are you willing to fully step into that reality?
If you did create this to happen this way, why did it happen?
If this outcome were exactly right, why would that be?

Connect with Joanna

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Transcript

The transcript for this episode can also be downloaded here (no opt-in required).

Holly: Hello and welcome to the Business Mindset Podcast, episode 267. This is your host Holly Worton and I am back – finally! – with another co-hosted episode with the fabulous Joanna Hennon.

Joanna is back! We only missed one episode together, the one for the month of July, but somehow it feels like it has been forever, despite the fact we have actually seen each other a couple of times this month and talked quite a bit, we just haven’t talked to you!

So, today’s episode is a follow-up to episode 253, which is where we talked about how to get what you really, really, want and when wanting isn’t enough. In that episode Joanna and I talked about our plans to move home and how we planned to manifest our dream houses. Now we are back talking about what to do when you don’t get what you want; how you want; where you want; and when you want. This episode really is a tale of two houses.

So, in this episode you will learn all kinds of things, this is a nice long and juicy one! How to handle it when things don’t go your way; what to do when you “fail” at manifesting; why, just because you are aligned, doesn’t mean it is going to happen how and when you want it to; why you need to be really honest with yourself about details; how to know if you are tricking yourself into thinking it is perfect, when it is really not; why we sometimes limit ourselves and we don’t go for what we really, really, want.

We ask: can it work if the process is misaligned and is it guaranteed to work if you are aligned? We discuss why we don’t always get what we want when we want; why we sometimes get attached to a specific outcome and what we can do instead. We talk about why you need to stay in the open space, don’t give up and stay open to letting it, or something else, in; whey we need to accept the worst-case-scenario as a possibility and not just deny it and sweep it under the rug.

Why the mantra: everything always works out perfectly for us, has to be part of the perfect plan. We talk about how to avoid going into failure mode and blaming yourself, and feeling sorry for yourself, and what to do instead. We talk about the difference between blaming yourself and taking responsibility, and why self-reflection is important; and finally, things you can actually do when you don’t get what you want. We also cover some questions to ask yourself to make the process easier.

I think this is a really deep and juicy episode. It is about 50-minutes long and we really get into the details of what the last three months have been like for us, as we have been working on manifesting these houses. We talk about lessons learned and we get really open and vulnerable with this one.

I am really happy to have recorded this episode today because ever since I released that episode back in May so many people have been asking me about the house and I finally have an answer for you. So, without further ado I will hand you over to the episode.

Holly: Hello Joanna!

Joanna: Hi Holly!

Holly: I am so excited you are back!

Joanna: {laughing} I know! It has been ages I feel I have been on holiday for years!

Holly: It has been a weirdly long summer! {laughing}

Joanna: But, at least we saw each other in real life twice.

Holly: Yay!

Joanna: Twice this summer how cool is that!

Holly: So, interestingly, both of us had the same idea for today’s podcast topic and then when we came together to actually record it, it was very exciting to find out that we were both thinking the same thing. So, a couple of months ago, and this was 28 May, of this year, we did a podcast episode about how to get what you really, really, want, when wanting isn’t enough. So, that was when we talked about my house in Avebury, and other things, and since then a lot of people have been asking me: how’s it going with the house, how’s it going with the house, and today, you will actually find out the answer. This is very, very, timely based on some news I just got a couple of days ago, so there we are.

Joanna: There were are and I also just got some news that one of my biggest dreams of moving to Ireland and buying a house mortgage-free in a few years. I also have an update on that, because we spent part of our summer in Ireland. And, we basically wanted to follow-up on that episode, and give you an update about how things were going because I think, or we both think, that such updates, and honest updates, are kind of missing in a lot of the stuff that we see online, and people kind of tend to assume that the whole manifesting thing and living in alignment thing, and doing the inner work thing, is super-smooth for some of us and not so smooth for others, and that’s not true. Yeah, we just wanted to share stuff with you today, all of it is pretty vulnerable and really honest {laughing}. We feel that it is really, really, important to do.

Holly: Yeah, I agree. So, today, we are going to talk about: how to handle it when things don’t go your way; and what to do when you don’t get what you want, how you want, and when you want, where you want. {laughing}

Joanna: So, basically, we are talking about what to do when you fail at manifesting, or when you feel like you fail at manifesting. So, because that’s what it is, right. We want to create something, we want to manifest something, and we think we are doing all the things, all the right things and da da da and then it doesn’t happen. Okay, so it seems to work for some people, all the glossy people it works for, but for you it doesn’t, then what then?

Holly: Exactly

Joanna: So, Holly do you want to tell us what’s happening with the house?

Holly: I will tell you what’s happening with the house. So, two days ago, the owner of the house emailed me to say I am really sorry, but I have just accepted an offer on the house; and it is probably going to go through in the next couple of months, if you want to come and stay at my B&B in the next couple of months, before I sell it, you are welcome to come, if it is too painful for you I understand that as well. And, so, the house is not mine. So, I am going to stay in the house, and I am really looking forward to that, to kind of say goodbye, not just to the house, but to the B&B because the woman that ran it is really lovely and I consider her to be a friend. Saying goodbye to that experience which I have been having every month for the last year, because I have been going there on a regular basis. So, I look forward to having that kind of goodbye time, I am going to stay for a couple of nights.

Joanna: Yeah, so, this was something that you really, really, wanted – we know – and were really excited about.

Holly: Yeah.

Joanna: And did your best to align with the energy of, and set deadlines for, and we do all the things, and, whatever, and yet it didn’t quite happen the way that you wanted it to happen. Now, for the universe, just leave things open, you say it is not your house, we don’t actually know that, the person who bought it might actually sell it in a few years, there are lots of things that can happen.

Holly: Yeah, absolutely, and thank you for calling me out on that language, because that is one thing that has occurred to me, and that is one thing that I have kind of felt, at one point during this process, before I even got news that it has been sold and she had accepted an offer, I had tis gut feeling that she is going to sell it to someone and then those people are going to sell it to me. Like, now wasn’t the time, because I just didn’t manage to get everything together, but it is my house but not yet. So I have had that feeling, there are many ways that this could pan out still.

Joanna: Sure, and I think it is important when you are trying to create something specific, manifest something specific, to stay in that open space, the house might be yours, it might not be yours, we don’t know, but we want to stay in the open space to let it in, if it chooses to come in, or to let in something better, right?

Holly: Yes!

Joanna: Otherwise we kind of shut down, and we make those final decisions, like with the decision of: okay the house is not mine, comes a whole load of other decisions like: I am not good enough to create it, whatever, I am not capable… all these things, and I think those things shut down other paths that are possible for us.

Holly: Yeah, absolutely, and I did go through some of that. So, yesterday, I was journalling on it, and I was just saying how I felt: I felt like a failure, I felt like I hadn’t done enough, I could have done better, did a little bit of beating myself up about it; and I had to get that out of my system, I had it milling around in my mind for 24 hours, and I just thought: I have to sit down, write this, get it out, didn’t spend too much time writing on it, I dedicated one page of my journal on it, but I had to get that crap out of my head.

Joanna: I think that is important because I think we tend to want to avoid feeling like a failure, but then I don’t think that’s the right thing, I think you need to acknowledge the way you feel. For me, you did exactly best thing that contained it, there is no point in feeling like a failure for ever and ever, but you you can say like: this is my space to feel what I am feeling and to deal with it and then I am going to move on.

Holly: Exactly, I have one page to feel like a failure, and then I turned the page over and I wrote a gratitude list and that got me out of it.

Joanna: You can even have two pages!

Holly: Yeah. {laughing} Decide how many pages you need and use those pages. So, this was an A4 page, this wasn’t a small journal, so it was an A4 page of: I feel like a failure, I didn’t do enough, I could have done more.

Joanna: I think there is a different between getting lost in that blaming yourself, because you can always blame yourself for not doing enough, or not doing it well enough, whatever, and taking responsibility. Because, that’s the other thing, right, that’s the other side of that, and I think we do have to take responsibility for what’s happening, that whole idea of conscious creation, so what do you think…?

Holly: What could I have done better, or differently?

Joanna: No, because that’s coming from the blaming space.

Holly: Yeah, it is.

Joanna: Yeah, right, the assumption. I have been running these workshops lately and I have been talking a lot about the assumptions that we make before we take action, before we ask questions, etc. etc. Especially when we ask questions, I find this is really important, because we think that’s a totally good question to ask: what could I have done better? But, look at the assumption, the assumption on that is that you are not good enough basically.

Holly: Yeah, that I didn’t do enough, that it was wrong, that it wasn’t enough…

Joanna: I think, for me, we need all to step into more greatness and accept more of that greatness in ourselves. And so we need to ask better questions that are based on better assumptions, you know?

Holly: So, what’s the better question there?

Joanna: One of my favourite questions is: if you did create it to happen this way, so, if we are going to assume that you create everything, that you are responsible for everything in your life, then why did you create this?

Holly: Right, so that was interesting, because towards the end of my journalling: I feel like a failure, yesterday, I came up with some of those things. So, the house was never perfect, I still love that house, but it wasn’t perfect. So, we live in England and many houses here are either terraced houses, or semi-detached houses, and this house was semi-detached. Now, my husband and I both do not like to share walls with people, our current house where we live is a detached house, it is a very small house, but we do not share walls with anyone and that to me, and to him, is really, really, important. The house was not detached and there were ways I was thinking that we could deal with that, the wall that would have been my office, I would have put a bookshelf in there, and that would have kind of…so it is like putting a bandaid on something that is not quite right. But, there were so many things that I liked about the house, that it made it okay that it wasn’t detached. Another thing we had been thinking about, because the woman is currently renting it as a B&B and there is a room on the house that has a separate entrance that is perfect to run as a B&B, we were thinking about just using that one room like an Airbnb, and I had conflicting feelings about that. I really liked it, because that would bring in another income stream, I have ten years experience in hospitality, I know how to be good as a host. Do I want to work in hospitality again? No. But I found myself listening to hospitality manager podcasts and reading stuff online, and I was getting into it, because I have ten years of experience in this, so I know I can do this well. Do I really, really want to do this? Yes, that is an income stream, yes, it is great easy income stream, but it also takes away some of my freedom because you have got to be there to do their breakfast, you have got to be there to manage, either clean the room yourself, or hire someone to clean, but you have got to be there.

Joanna: I think both those things illustrate something really important, I think we tend to just naturally kind of limit ourselves, and not allow ourselves to go for what we really, really, want.

Holly: Yes.

Joanna: I think it is actually, I am getting chills as I say this, so it must be really important so listen up, {Both: laughing} I think that we have this natural tendency to find it very difficult, if not impossible, when we are faced with something that is already really, good to say: actually, that’s really good, but I want something even better. Because who the hell, can I swear on this podcast?

Holly: Yes, absolutely.

Joanna: Wait this is my podcast too.

Holly: But you can swear on my podcast too!

Joanna: You know: who the fuck am I to say no to this amazing opportunity that has come my way, and say: meh, I want a detached house right!

Holly: Yeah, like who do I think I am?

Joanna: I think it is such a beautiful thing to be really honest with yourself and say: no, these are the things that are really important to us, and I know the detached house thing, for me it is a fantastic example, because my husband and I are the same way, we cannot share walls with other people, it really drives both of us crazy. We are both very, very, sensitive to noises; we notice every single sound, like even having people in the neighbourhood, or when the boy next door plays basketball, I are like: oh my god, we are going to have to go next door and ask him to stop because I can’t cope any more {laughing}, it’s bad. So I understand how important it is. And yet, we are willing to compromise on something, when you have an opportunity in real life, we are unable somehow to think: maybe there is something even better for me?

Holly: And the thing was, and it is so interesting that you say that, I had a session with Cara, Cara Wilde, whom we have mentioned on this podcast before, and she was channeling her guides, the Ancients, and I was talking to them about this and they said: but this isn’t your dream house, when you dream about your dream house it is a different house, isn’t it? What is it? And they said to me: the reason that this house, the Avebury house, has come into your conscious awareness, because that’s all you can dream of right now, your dreams are bigger, but you can’t allow yourself as a possibility yet. So, this house, which you do love, has come into your awareness, because that’s all you can handle planning for. And that’s so true, I have journaled on my absolute dream house, and it is bigger and better than that house.

Joanna: And what I am going to say now I think is really, really, interesting, now for all of you guys listening, Holly and I talked about this house a lot, when this was happening and none of this stuff ever came up. We never touched on the things that weren’t perfect, I never heard about this thing from the Ancients, that this isn’t your actual dream house. So, just to illustrate, anybody who is trying to align with some kind of bigger vision, be really honest with yourself, because we tend to kind of push down all the stuff where we are like: oh maybe it isn’t perfect, oh I got this reading, and they said it wasn’t perfect, we tend to push this stuff down and not actually address it.

Holly: Yeah, because it is a great house, I love it, I love the energy there, but it is not perfect and there was a part of me that knew it wasn’t perfect, there was a part of me that knew I had a bigger dream, and there was a part of me that knew it wasn’t quite right, even though it is so right in so many ways.

Joanna: So, this is just a really, I mean now you are ready for next time and you will pay more attention to those details, right?

Holly: Absolutely.

Joanna: And you will be able to let in something even better.

Holly: Absolutely. And I feel like in some ways I was sending out mixed signals to the universe, because it was like: I want this house, I love this house, I want this house; but, I am going to have to share a wall with a neighbour, and I am going to have to leave Dorking, I love the town where I live, there are so many places to walk here, I leave my house and I walk in any direction and I can walk for hours and that’s really unique. And I am going to miss the woods, because I love woods, and Wiltshire is very kind of open agriculture which I love, and I love the expansiveness of that, but I knew I would miss the woods of Surrey, that was another reason that it wasn’t perfect. And, I know this sounds really ridiculous, but I have been doing my kickboxing for the last three years, I have been working doing my grades and advancing, with this beautiful group of people who I really, really, love, and I really want to keep going until I get my black belt, with these people that I have journeyed with for the last three years it is going to be three years by the time I get my black belt. And, I had researched kickboxing in Wiltshire, and I found a kickboxing school which was 15/20 minutes from my house in Avebury; but it didn’t feel quite right because I would have been starting fresh with new people and I wanted to just stay on this journey with these people that I had been grading with, and training with. So, that was another thing that was sending mixed signals, because I really want to reach that kind of reach that stage with them, and it is going to be another almost two years before I get to that stage, before I can get my black belt. And that is not necessarily the end and it is not like I am going to quit kickboxing once I get a black belt, but I felt that I wanted to reach that stage with the same people I have been training with for all these years.

Joanna: So, again, it is a case of being honest with you during the process. I think we can trick ourselves into thinking we are aligning, or we can really pull the wool over our own lives, can’t we? And then, afterwards, when that pressure is out of the way of working towards something, or whatever, when the chance kind of passes us by, we are like: oh yeah, but all these other things… Another great thing then to ask is: if this was exactly the right outcome, why would that be? In your case, you get to enjoy where you are for a bit longer, right? You don’t have to worry about your freedom being kind of imposed on, by B&B guests, right, you get to do your black belt, and {both: laughing} we were just talking about this before, before we started recording, and Holly said that in two years, she came up with this two-year-plan, and I am like: move to Ireland with me! So, maybe, we will all move to Ireland and live happily ever after over there together.

Holly: You move to Ireland, I move to Ireland, everyone is moving to Ireland! {laughing}

Joanna: You know that sounds really fun, by the way, for us to live in the same area, country to start with, but area, even, but it might not happen, that is not kind of the point, but even talking about that opens us up to the possibilities of why this was exactly the right thing.

Holly: Exactly, exactly, so I have a question for you. So, I was really jazzed about this house, I was so excited, I put so much effort into manifesting, and visualising, this house because there are so many things that I love about it. But, at the same time a part of me knew it wasn’t perfect. So what do you do when you are trying to manifest something that you love, but it is not 100% perfect? Should you not be focussing on that thing, or should you be opening up into bigger things and focussing on those? Or, what could I have done differently? I am not saying this like: what should I have done differently? But, I would be happy in that house, it is not perfect, but I would be happy.

Joanna: But why would you settle? Are you asking me…

Holly: But, like I said I would be happy in that house, so if I was going to go back in time and start this whole manifesting process, in May, should I have focussed on manifesting this house, or should I have focussed on manifesting my dream house?

Joanna: I would say that you should have focussed on manifesting this house, because look how much it has taught you.

Holly: Yeah, absolutely.

Joanna: And it has helped you accept your real dream house, right? Or reminded you of your real dream house. So, I think the journey, right? So, I think that it is the journey, right? I think it is good that you focused on this house because so much has come out of it, basically, but it couldn’t have been the right one, for all the reasons that you listed. So, when I talk about manifesting, I am teaching a workshop on this tonight, so it is all…

Holly: So it is all very fresh.

Joanna: When I talk about manifesting, I talk about it, not that we create, I think that word really, really, puts us in the wrong vibration of hard work, and struggle, like creating something from scratch is really difficult, how are you going to create? It just feels like effort. Whereas manifesting, or the way I look at it, is becoming. So you are becoming, you are stepping into that reality that already exists for you, so it is not creating anything from scratch, it is just choosing something different. In this case you weren’t choosing something different, you didn’t want to choose to live there, and go to that kickboxing school, and to manage the B&B, and have the neighbours. You weren’t choosing to become the person who was happy with that, it was like you chose not to step into that reality. Now, that doesn’t mean that that reality wasn’t available to you, because it was, but it doesn’t seem to me like you were ready to say: okay, this is it.

Holly: Yeah, I think that is huge, and I think that’s a really useful way of looking at it, because there were parts of that reality that I liked, and I could have lived that reality, but it wasn’t 100% exciting.

Joanna: And I think that’s really, again, all of this manifesting stuff hinges on being willing to be honest with yourself, right? I have the same thing with moving to Ireland, like could we pick up and move right now? Yeah. That reality is available to us, of course it is, everything is a choice. We are pretending when we say we don’t have a choice, usually, I know there are really terrible circumstances, and I am not trying to bypass any of that. Normally, when we say that we don’t have a choice, that’s not actually true, we do have a choice, but I am not willing to step into that reality at the moment for my own reasons, so I have to accept that right? I have to accept that it is my choice not to do it right now.

Holly: Yeah, and it is interesting, because I started out super-gung-ho with manifesting and focussing and visualising and journaling and all the stuff, in May, and probably June. July was probably where it started to taper off and I kind of, I don’t know if I gave up, I was going to Avebury a lot during the months of July, and August, just for day trips, but I went there a lot.

Joanna: Including with me!

Holly: Yay, yay! {laughing} But I went a lot, and I really felt into the land and I felt my connection to that land, and I felt like it was right, but I was really focussing on the connection to the land, not so much on my connection to that particular house and that lifestyle.

Joanna: I think there is something to be said for alignment practice, as well, when you describe what you did, you were visualising, and whatever, it feels hustle-y.

Holly: Absolutely. I think I had a lot of hustle energy: I am going to do this manifesting thing, and I am going to do it right, and I am going to do all the things, and I had lists of things to do, not just manifesting things, but practical things, and I am going to tick off all the things on my list. And did I do all the things that I could have done? No, I slacked off on the manifesting, I slacked off on the visualising, I stopped focussing on the house at some point and I didn’t do all the practical things I could have done. There was a family member that I could have asked for the money, and I didn’t, and I didn’t because it felt icky. And I knew logically that that person could give us the money that we needed, to kind of make this happen faster, but it did not feel right, and so I didn’t do it, and I could have, maybe things would have turned out differently if I had, but it didn’t feel right, so, I didn’t do it.

Joanna: And that has to be okay as well, right? That is also a choice, and then every choice has a consequence and there is a whole web of choices there, and of energies, and between that and the fact that the whole kind of alignment practice was misaligned, because it was coming from that energy of hustle, of trying to make it happen, rather than becoming the person who lives there. If it misaligned from the start, it is bound to kind of taper off, you can’t really blame yourself for not continuing because it is not sustainable. You can’t…it is the same as hustling in your business, or whatever, it is just not sustainable, you are going to run out of energy.

Holly: Exactly, and that’s probably why I burnt out after a month and a half of it, and just kind of went with the flow. So, obviously you have to be aligned with the process and not come at it from that hustle-y energy if that hustle energy doesn’t work for you and it certainly doesn’t work for me. So, if you are aligned, 100% aligned, is it guaranteed to work? Is there a recipe that you can follow and make it happen?

Joanna: I am going to say, no, sadly; sadly, what’s coming to me is no. I think that as humans we get very attached to specific outcomes, and alignment isn’t about a specific outcome. Alignment isn’t about that how – I am getting chills again! – so alignment isn’t about that specific how, through a specific boyfriend, or whatever it is, it is about the feel and the vibration, I am still going to say no. What you will manifest is something that matches your vibration, if your vibration is hustle, then you will get more stuff to be hustle-y about. Yeah, just because you have decided that that house is indicative of everything you have ever wanted in life, doesn’t mean that’s true.

Holly: And it wasn’t, once I sat and analysed it, it wasn’t everything I wanted in life.

Joanna: It is the same for me, a long time ago I decided that I could never be happy in Belgium, so I had attached this feeling of moving out of Belgium, and then I would run a business, and do what I liked, and life would be peachy and all this kind of thing {laughing}. But that’s not true right, because life might not be peachy either. The alignment I had attached to a certain move, to a certain place, and that’s not necessarily the case, so I also have to accept the fact that we might not move to Ireland, that’s a possibility, and I actually think that this is something I have recently been talking to many of my clients about so maybe it is something that’s in the air, but I think it is really important to accept what you have viewed as worst case scenario: so what if it doesn’t happen?

Holly: Yeah.

Joanna: You don’t need to give up, it is not giving up, it is just accepting it as a possibility. So, every single time I ask this question: so what if it doesn’t happen? What if it doesn’t work? What if whatever you are trying to make work, what if it doesn’t happen? I have asked this question so many times in the past few weeks, and every single time, the answer is: nothing, I am going to be fine. It is like this huge revelation that you don’t need to put that pressure on yourself to create this something else, even if it doesn’t happen, you are still going to be okay, right?

Holly: That’s really interesting what you said, because I have never tried to openly manifest something like this so much with my husband. And when I first started with this, he was really really reluctant to get on board with it, because he was like: if it doesn’t happen, I don’t want you to be really disappointed and he was really, really, worried about what was going to happen to me if I didn’t get this house; and I said to him, I kept saying to him: I know am going to be fine, but I have to give it all my energy, I have to put all my energy and thought and everything into this and act as if it is happening and I know at the same time I will be fine if it doesn’t, and I am fine. Yes, I had some sad moments in the last couple of days, but it wasn’t that big a deal.

Joanna: Because you will be fine, if your business doesn’t take off, and you have to work at a job, you will still be fine, you will still find things to be joyful about, and enjoy time with your family and I don’t know, get a dog. You will do normal life stuff that brings you joy {laughing}

Holly: Life goes on.

Joanna: Life goes on.

Holly: And, I have to say, you will still do all the things that you enjoy, if you allow yourself to, but if you let yourself spiral down into that depression and you use this thing that you didn’t get as an excuse to be unhappy then that’s another pathway that you can take.

Joanna: Yeah sure, it can spiral of course, but I think probably anyone listening to this Podcast is aware enough of their energy, that they will be able to catch it at some point and choose not to spiral. It is hard, I really want to move to Ireland, I really want to move to Ireland, and I know that we will be happy there, we spent some time there this summer and my whole family were so happy, all three of us, we just felt at home. It wasn’t like this joy/excitement feeling, we are just quietly, calmly, happy feeling. But, if it doesn’t happen then we will be happy somewhere else, because we are always going to choose to be happy.

Holly: Yeah, so do you want to share more details about the Ireland story?

Joanna: Sure, just because it is a really good story.

Holly: And there have been significant updates since we last did that episode in May.

Joanna: So, originally, what I think I mentioned on our last podcast, is that I had decided that the best thing to aim for is to buy our house in Ireland mortgage-free; because I have been concerned about what our lifestyle would be like there, and I just didn’t want to have that hanging over us – a mortgage. {laughing} Now since then we have spent our summer in Ireland and by a freakish series of coincidences we have found the exact place we want to live in, so we stayed in Galway and my son had a football camp in one of the suburbs of Galway city and we decided that that’s where we we want to live. We just loved it, it had everything that we could possibly want, it was even better because we always said that actually love the suburb we live in, in Belgium, so if we could kind of lift the whole neighbourhood and put it in Ireland we would quite like that, but this was even better, I couldn’t even imagine. It had very wide roads – I am a very nervous driver – so it had wide roads that I – even I! – could drive on and make my way through {laughing}. It had a bus service into Galway city, so I had access to that, it had a beach and a sports centre, everything. I am a shopper, so plenty of shops for me, it was just really, really perfect.

One day when we were driving my son to his football, we passed this row of houses in the suburb and I said: these houses look really nice, wouldn’t it be great to live there, and then I said: well, but it is on the main road. And my husband pointed into the next street to the left and said: it would be perfect if it was just in there. And I said: yeah it would wouldn’t it, and that bit was really close to the coast too, which is really important to us. And then we went about our day, and we went into Galway. What happened by total chance, unplanned, we went to this café for breakfast, and we looked where the nearest Real Estate Agent was to ask questions about how the market works in Ireland, and how long it takes and everything else, and it was right around the corner. And we were like: okay, we will go there, and the man spent half-an-hour with us and it turned out maybe it would be better to buy it now instead of waiting. And I said: well, do you have anything to show us? And he said: Yes, I do have a house in that particular area. When we went to see it later that day it was in exactly the street that my husband had pointed to that morning. It is crazy! And, on top of it, I am really big on having a corner shop or something, I just don’t want to have to drive everywhere, because I don’t like driving, and we didn’t even know that there was a tiny little corner shop right across from where this house is. So, we thought: this has everything including a conservatory which we had on our list but didn’t think we could get in Ireland, it was just so serendipitous and whatever, and we made an offer. Now, since then, it has turned out that we can’t get a mortgage for that house because it is outside of Belgium, and to get a Belgium mortgage it is more complicated so it just more complicated…That house probably isn’t ours.

I am happy to think that there is probably an even better house because that house needed some work and that’s fine. It would have been very easy to go into that, oh, this is impossible space. We went to the bank. First of all we couldn’t get an appointment, and it was all really, really, weird and they couldn’t do anything for us, or not enough because of the rules here, and it would just have been really easy to go into that ‘it’s not possible’ space. As I said before, on the way out of the bank that day, I actually said: everything works out perfectly for us, so this has to be part of our perfect plan. I am sure that the universe did not lead us to that particular suburb, by such chance, there were tons of football camps. It is just really, really weird that we ended up there, and it is so perfect for us, down to the Polish store, I am Polish, right? So this is really important to me, not like crazy important or a deal breaker, but how cool! I can get Polish stuff right there. So, I am really aware of the vibration that we are in around this, and just sticking to the plan, which was always in two years, because that’s when Shane finished primary school and that’s that.

Staying aligned means talking as if we are moving, and also recognising the lessons just like we did with your house, like recognising: why did it happen this way and I think it happened this way, to get our butts in gear, actually go to a bank and figure out what we need to have in place, because we are not very good at that. We kind of just let things go, that, ah it will be fine, kind of attitude, and we do need to have certain things in place to make this happen, an international move is a big thing: we have to sell our house, we have to buy a house. So, I think it happens to show us that it is a possibility, and to get our butts in gear, and so I am really grateful, actually. Instead of being sad that that is not our house, even though I have a bit of sadness, it would have been really nice if I could have updated you guys and said: I went on holiday and I bought a home. I am still really grateful that it happened that way, because now we know where we stand, and I can still see it is completely possible to do in two years, there is no doubt. So, it is all good.

Holly: Now you have all the information you need, the concrete practical information to know that it is possible, and it is not just a dream.

Joanna: Yeah, exactly, it is not just a dream, we have seen it, we can imagine ourselves living there, and this morning when I was thinking about it I was thinking: maybe I can go back to the dream of buying it mortgage free, and that I have to admit, before when we talked, that felt really exciting, and possible, and now that I know the prices and had my head in the numbers a lot over the summer to see the calculations, that feels really heavy to me, not right heavy, I am never going to be able to pull that off heavy. So, I have my own work to be doing. {laughing}

Holly: Scary heavy?

Joanna: Yes, so, we will see. It is just to illustrate that we can want it, we can align with it, but we don’t always get to decide when it happens and how it happens. And, really, the best thing that we can do for ourselves is to keep trusting that it is happening in exactly the right way. Now, this is only if we continue to take the action, because I think it is easy to just sit back and do nothing, and say it is happening in the right way, and nothing will ever happen of course. So, it is action-based.

Holly: Absolutely, so that now that there is offer in on the house, not sit back and be like: oh well, I guess am not moving. Think about this possible two-year plan, and focus on that dream house again, because, I have, before the Avebury house came up I had all the details planned for this other house. And maybe write down what are the features of this house in Avebury that I like so much. I mean, yes, part of it was the energy there, it was beautiful because of the person who currently lives there and the kind of work she does with the land, and the view and that kind of thing, but I can take those elements and say: I want another house with nice energy, it is not like that is the only house with nice energy in the UK {laughing}.

Joanna: Or Ireland! {laughing}

Holly: Or Ireland, in the UK and Ireland {laughing}

Joanna: I think it is really important to get clear, as a family we made a list of all the things that are important to us, and each of us added things to the list, and when we saw that first house, because we saw a bunch of others as well, to compare and we ended up making a couple of offers, and whatever. The first house was a little bit close to the main road and my husband said: did we put quiet on our list? And I looked, and we hadn’t, and I was like: okay! We had everything else, but I would prefer that it didn’t need any work, so maybe that should also go on the list, so it will help you refine what you want as well. And, again, if you are not limiting yourself as to what you are able to ask for, then it is all good, right? Because it call helps you refine to help you get really the perfect thing, how amazing would that be? I am going to write: close to Holly on my list.

Holly: Yay… because that would be really perfect {laughing} don’t have to take a Eurostar to see you.

Joanna: Coming to Galway will be even more of a trek, so, it would just be easier if we were both there.

Holly: Exactly.

Joanna: So, yeah, so I think we called this episode: what to do when you don’t get what you really want? Well you realign, right? At the end of the day what are your choices? Either you are going to let you spiral into depression and “life sucks” feelings and that’s not nice, this is your life, do you really want to live the rest of your days living like life sucks and you were somehow cheated, or whatever, or, you realign, and focus on stuff that makes you feel good and make a new plan, right, based on the information that you now have, make a new plan.

Holly: Give yourself time to grieve and then bounce out of it by making that new plan.

Joanna: I mean it does all hinge on that trust factor which is a practice and a muscle, trusting that it is possible for things to work out. There is not much that we can do about that. In my darkest moments I also think, what if… we have talked about this before Holly, we think: what if I am on my deathbed and: I have spent my whole life aligning with what I want. {Both: laughing} And yet here I am in Belgium…! So yeah that trust has to be there, I would just prefer, even if at that moment on my deathbed is going to be really unpleasant, and disappointing, I would still prefer to live my life on trust, I just prefer the way it feels to say: but it is always working out perfectly for me.

Holly: Yeah and it is so good to have that reminder, because we went through that when we found the current house that we are living in now, which we are renting; but we were moving from London, we wanted to move out into Surrey, we kept seeing these houses that we thought were perfect, and they kept falling through for one reason, or another. And this one time we went to see this house which we thought was absolutely perfect but wasn’t for one reason or another, so they looked perfect, but they would fall through and then there was one house we saw, and it was absolutely perfect, we put an offer on it and then five minutes later the Estate Agent calls me and said: I am really sorry, I shouldn’t have shown you that house because it always rented this morning. And I just broke down in tears at the train station going home. I just lost it and my husband was like: it is okay, we will find something. And then we found this house and I realised this house was perfect for us, absolutely perfect for us, how do you find a two-bedroomed detached house? And the location and everything about it was perfect, and I realised everything else fell through because they weren’t perfect. That one house that we thought was perfect that I cried over it was really close to the train station, do I want to hear trains? No.

Joanna: Yeah, that’s the thing, the houses that we put offers on they were bot great, we would have been very happy living there but one of them needed work and both of us hate that kind of thing, honestly, and the other one was just a tad too small, just a tad. It had everything else, but it was just a little bit too small. So they weren’t perfect either, and maybe the one we end up with won’t require any work, and it will be the right size and it will have the conservatory and everything else; I think it is just really hard to see those things when you are in it, but it is possible. You have to train yourself, if you train yourself to say: everything always works out perfectly for me, constantly, that’s a big gift to yourself already, because it just opens things up. Even if you have to fake it sometimes then it is still worth adding to your routine.

Holly: One thing, before we wrap this up, I fell like we need to address, we keep throwing around the p word (perfectly), there is really no such thing as perfection, so should we be striving towards finding the perfect house, live the perfect dream? Live the perfect life?

Joanna: Perfect for you, right? I mean, I don’t think your perfect house would be perfect for me, Holly: absolutely not. And probably not everyone would all it perfect. So I think perfect is just a subjective thing. So, perfect, for me, has five bedrooms and a nice office for me because we have different things. I was talking to my friend Michelle this morning and perfect for her is totally, totally, different. I want an office, my husband wants a big room, my son wants his creative space. So, yes, I think we should strive for perfect, for us, it doesn’t mean we don’t kind of make stops along the way. Although, this house that we are in now, we have outgrown it, but when we bought it, it was exactly right for us and nobody else called it perfect. Let me tell you our house looked like a witch’s cottage in the middle of houses.

Holly: I like your house! {laughing}

Joanna: We do, but when I called, I saw it online and when I called to make an appointment they said: go and drive by it first, we don’t make appointments until you have actually seen it. So I drove out here and I am a nervous driver and Joe wasn’t around and I was like: what I am going to find, what’s wrong with this house?

Holly: That’s so weird.

Joanna: And there was nothing wrong. It is just that so many people didn’t like that it looked like a witch’s cottage.

Holly: I never would have thought that about your house.

Joanna: At first it couldn’t have been more perfect. It couldn’t have been more perfect, I think that your definition of perfect also changes.

Holly: Yeah, I absolutely agree.

Joanna: So perfect for you at that time.

Holly: Absolutely.

Joanna: When you think about it that way, then, yes, you should be striving for you at that time, why would you settle for anything else?

Holly: All right, thank you for clarifying that. I think that was really useful for people to hear too.

Joanna: And for us to clarify, the questions that come up when we talk about this stuff are interesting in themselves, right? So I think we should probably wrap it up though, because it seems like I have been talking for a really long time. {Both: laughing}

Holly: No we are good…maybe some next steps before we sign off, people who have just heard us talk for 49-ish minutes, and what should they do now? Really get clear on the details of what they really, really, want? Refine, refine.

Joanna: Be clear, be open, and be honest. You are probably not listening to this podcast if you have got everything that you ever wanted. So, if you are listening to this podcast episode, called: what to do when you don’t get what you want {laughing}, then you probably haven’t got what you want. So, if you feel like whatever it is that you want isn’t coming, then be really honest with yourself. Ask the same questions that we asked ourselves so: if you did create it to happen this particular way, why? If this is exactly the perfect thing for you right now, this situation, or whatever, why? And what do you really want? Is it really what you say you want? I talk about this a lot in the context of business, actually, with my clients, because I tend to have to remind people that a business is not what people want, a successful business is not actually what you want what you want is all the stuff that a successful business will give you, or give you access to, or let you experience, but it is not the business itself. So, just be really, really, honest with yourself about what it is that you are after, that you want to experience in life.

Holly: I think that’s the perfect place to wrap it up. So happy manifesting!

Joanna: Happy manifesting!

Holly: And we will back next month with something else.

Joanna: Sure will.

Holly: I hope you find that interesting and useful, please drop me a line and let me know what you thought about it, you can email me at [email protected], I would love to hear from you. Also, I would love to see you on Patreon, if you head to https://www.hollyworton.com/patreon you can hear me there. Membership starts at just one dollar a month and we get exclusive access to content that I don’t share anywhere else, including monthly Q and As, my after-thoughts for this podcast, group healing sessions, and all kinds of other things, so I would love to see you there, that’s: https://www.hollyworton.com/patreon. Thank you again for listening, I will be back with another solo episode next week, and you can see the show notes for this episode, including the questions that we suggested you ask yourself, at http://HollyWorton.com/267 – thank you!